All my life I’ve been into reducing. Reducing negativity, reducing waste of time, reducing nonconstructive reasoning and reflections. When I’ve felt an addiction or obsession about something I’m always inclined to delete it from my life. Maybe it’s an inborn scare for losing what is precious to me and by not letting myself get attached to it I rather let it go voluntarily.

I refuse to be a slave to my needs of different things, different routines and circumstances. I need to be in control of my life, I cannot let circumstances control it. To walk through life passively with an attitude of “well, I guess it was not meant to be” is not what I do. I steer the ship in the direction I am going for and even though the waves and winds might shift me off a bit to the right or the left, I still reach the destination as long as I keep my head up straight and forward.

This morning I felt that “be careful what you wish for”. I suddenly got anxious when I once again realized I was knocking on that door I’ve been wanting to be opened for me. Mark my words in the passive here: I waited for it to be opened, not me opening the door. Some matters are just matters about time. You cannot rush it. Your time is maybe not right now, it might be later. Today I felt “now is my time” and I did not know whether or not to be excited or be scared and curse myself for desiring something that was now soon coming my way.

It’s not the first time I’ve been doing all in my power to attract what I want. It’s scary when you come close to it. But here I live by my mother’s wise words: do not be afraid! Do not ever be afraid! I’ve done those “I am so scared I’m gonna die but I know I have to do this” and they are the best personal experiences in my life leading me closer to my goals, but still, it’s scary.

The worst enemy is the one you have inside you. You know when your mind starts to spin and you become afraid of your own thoughts and what power is in them? When you really truly believe in the power of the mind you suddenly see no limits on what you can do with your life. What is the most scary thought here is YOU are most likely the one who’s gonna stop yourself. Not circumstances because those you can steer around. not people either because those you can avoid. You. You are the stopping force.

So, when I am facing new challenges and my first reaction is “Oh NO!!! Why did I have to wish for this???” and I get thrown out of my comfort zone I get angry with myself for suddenly wishing I did not accomplish anything. What kind of holding back is that… wishing for same old same old. But then I ask myself “do I want to be here doing the same thing in 15 years from now still looking for that perfect time where I’m gonna break free and follow all my dreams?”. No. The time is Now, not later. I act on now NOW, not later because later might never come.