My body weight has always gone up and down a few pounds here and there, it’s my natural cycle. However, when I wanted to get down to 115, I wanted it to be a SOLID 115! Not a “oh, once every 5 days I get there”! That is how it is you see.

I cannot say I weigh 115 if it’s like every blue moon right! Why does it not work the other way around so one day I can be 113 and then one day 117? Well, THAT is MORE what I want that the LOWEST point being 115!

So, my goal is to AVERAGE around 115. I am not obsessed about it, but I do want to lose a little more weight.  I am buying a tape measure today so I can take some measurements when I am at 115, so when my weight goes up to 118 for a few days I can just check measurements instead and see once again YOU DON’T GET FAT OR MUSCULAR FROM NOT EATING MORE.

It’s a mental thing. But I am concerned, I don’t want to bulk up to 121 again without realizing it. The scale keeps me accountable. It is not easy to stay low in weight! Not when it’s not your genetically preferred weight!

Anyway, always nice to have things to work on. The places I still see myself with less muscle mass: arms (but shoulders to stay volume wise), less thighs but not less glutes. And I can shed some more around my waist!:-)

yup, gotta get ready for the beach 2010! LOL NAH, NO JUST KIDDING, ya’ll know I am not a beach bunnie! My white light reflecting skin reveals that does it not!:-)

Staying consistent with a fat loss encouraging diet does not take much effort.

Pushing through cardio sessions does not take much discipline.

Being patient with progress is not that difficult.

Finding motivation to strive for a better body is as easy as picking up a fitness mag.

Picking the lean foods at the grocery store takes nothing but some common sense and knowledge.

Lifting heavier weights than usual takes nothing but repetition.

To say no to cheat meals is easy if you are determined.

Achieving your version of your perfect body takes nothing but hard work.

Now….. What is truly challenging and what truly is what one should work on in life is

Staying patient when you feel frustrated

Trusting your feelings when everyone else says you are wrong

Not letting people’s idea of what and who you are BECOME what and who you are

Forgiving everyone who hurt you in the past without feeling like you lost or need revenge

Ending endless blaming others for your situation, your choices or your way of life

Having faith in yourself

Focusing on being happy and not just content

Strengthening your mind so nothing can set you off your path

Finding your path and being daring enough to go for it

Being strong and confident to follow your heart and not just follow your mind

Turning away from fear of failing

Seeing the best in you instead of the worst of you.

Being happy you are who you are and become the best version of you and not a bad copy cat of someone else no matter how “wonderful” the person you want to be like is. No one is as wonderful as YOU and you know what? You are stuck with yourself all life so you better enjoy that company!

This morning once again I got another epiphany. Last time I had one was a few years back about my fitness journey and what I truly wanted to do with my life. Now, suddenly, I came into understanding about ideas and theories I did not acknowledge before, things that have been said to me and I took it the wrong way, it all made sense.

I remember there was this man who inspired and inspires me a lot. He told me that my frustration with him and my feeling of him pushing my buttons was due to me having things to learn. At that time, I defended myself, I refused to see, I refused to realize he was steps, no stairs, ahead of me.

Even though I knew I was given challenges because I could take them and they were given to me to teach me, this man had a lot more insight than I and that is why his mind was intriguing to me. I wanted his knowledge. Did I know that I had to practice to see beyond the obvious, did I realize I could not hasten the process, did I accept I had to open up my mind way more than I was comfortable with?

I know this man was and is important for my spiritual growth, my mind uses him as a powerful symbol pretty often too. It affects me and until now I did not know why! Now I do. This morning, it all made sense and I felt a big relief knowing that it was part of the process. But instead of resisting it I embraced it.

I am entering a new room in my life. I have long been getting glimpses of what’s inside those doors, but the key I did not have until now. It’s a new phase. It’s a new time. And it’s mine.

We all want it. We all want to achieve that perfect body and then once we have it, well, we hope for it to just BE right? Like a good puppy: STAY. Let’s get real here, it ain’t gonna happen.

Since you read this blog you are one of those who want to achieve more than “get in some what good shape so I can wear sleeveless this summer without dragging my by gravity affected triceps HANG to the pavement”. You want shredded abs. Veins. No fat tire around your waist. No cellulite. No flat behind. You want that flow to the muscles that come from dedication in the gym and at the dinner table.

Once you achieve all that, you’re going “NOW WHAT?”, you don’t know what to do, what to eat, what to train. Suddenly you feel like a beginner. SO you soften up, ease up on the cardio, take some extra carbs here and there, maybe a little slice of pizza because you feel so GOOOOOOD and you’ve got the body to show off and you take every second of it to do so too! Dont’cha!

Then something happened. Oh, you have no idea where it came from, but suddenly, you were just FAT again. Yup, sir and mam, FAT. Not like in “walking around 400 lbs” but as in I CAN NOT SEE MY ABS ANYMORE, there is some kind of thick MASS on top and it ain’t water retention!!!

So here’s the deal:

If you had to work really hard to get shredded, count on your body’s revenge: it will ALWAYS try to fatten you up! Hey, don’t blame it, it’s trying to do evolution’s job!!!

If you’re really really lean, competition lean, it will ALWAYS take a lot of super dedication and work ethic to keep it. it is not a state your body feels comfy in being! There is a reason why most people are RIGHT ON once every six months or so. Because it is a whole other level to push and push and resist the fat from coming back day in and day out.

You must realize that even though you don’t eat more or do less cardio, your body might rebel on you and smooth you out anyway. Usually it’s the cortisol levels that get too high, so you will break down muscle at some extent. What do you do? you do refeeds and cycle your training. Cardio AND weights.

If you never got away with cheat meals when you leaned out, you will most likely not get away with it when you’ve reached the leanness level you want either.

If you have stubborn fat deposits, it does not matter if you are shredded every where else: those fat cells will NOT empty themselves with constant feeding. If you want them gone for good, you will need to try a lot of different regimens and routines to decipher your genetic code. It’s like looking for the perfect solution for your body: it can not be bought, you cannot buy the experience from someone else to hand it over, YOU need to find YOUR way of reading YOUR body.

That is one reason why I think it is so dumb that a lot of competitors follow their “trainers” or coaches 100% blindly. They don’t ask why they don’t try to see patterns, don’t try to find solutions. They JUST follow. YOu learn nothing from doing that. How the heck should those trainers know exactly what you need? They are not your body! Yeah they have experience, but they have not the recipe to your body.

I do not mean having a trainer is useless, usually it helps you to reach your goals and faster than if you were to do trial and error from day 1… But all I encourage is THINK and REASON so you get the concept!

over and out. I feel good today; productive. the way I want to feel:-)

Do this and you will never succeed:

Restart, restart,restart. Did you blow your diet during the friday and thus reason you can just as well keep on thru out the weekend and start over fresh again on monday?

Do you constantly work on your perfect solution which is so perfect you can never ever execute it?

Do you sneak in a special treat (oh it’s just 90 calories) almost every day?

Do you eat a little more because you train so hard?

Is your stomach jiggly because you always have pms 365 days of the year or you’re just fat honestly?

Do you use the bike because it’s easier and you can SIT DOWN and read?

Using machines instead of free weights because the latter are more difficult?

Are you sleeping in and missing your cardio more than once a week?

You refuse to realize your cheat days of all-out-eating will keep you fat?

You truly think you’ve got so much muscle, THAT is why you are thick? Not the fat on top huh?

Nuts are healthy so you eat a few servings a day. And you wonder why you won’t lose weight????

You go by “conventional standards” and thus eat according to what a person in the 50’s ate when being physically active with labor work and all, and you wonder why you are not leaner?

Do you heap on olive oil because it’s healthy fat? Some one told you it is good so you overdo it?

A little snack here and there won’t hurt huh?

You always forget to do cardio, but you do get in your weight training and this is key huh because stimulating the strong muscle mass burns the fat FOR you?….

You could never decrease your calories to get leaner: oh oh, you’d be less strong!!!! scary huh!!!

You don’t lose fat even though you train cardio once  a day? Hm, try two times a day for three months and you’ll see…

You give up if you have not leaned out after 7 days.

there are many more ways to get no results, but let’s keep it short.

today sucks and I’m ashamed I even write it. I’m healthy, I got a place to be, I got work, I have food, I have friends. But still my mind lets me act like a spoiled brat complaining about LIFE. From an outside perspective or an objective one, I know how ridiculous it is, how the heck can I have the guts to feel down and depressed? Yes, I feel embarrassed, for in my life there is nothing to be depressed about right now. Still, I FEEL it. Nothing is fun. Nothing feels worth while doing. I even don’t know what I am doing or why. My fire is gone today. My drive is gone today. My mood is low, my mind is scattered. Or no, not even scattered: lame! Yes I am lame! I keep asking myself where do I want to be but I don’t even know the answer. No dream scenario comes to mind. Day in and day out I am wasting my time. I have no idea what I am focusing on. I don’t know what to go for.

I want to be productive. I want to keep pushing. I want to keep on shooting ideas, write, create, create, create. But none of it I can get myself to actually DO today. My to do list was long, I erased it all. Procrastinating. I cannot get myself to start. This day never started at all. I want to go put a blanket on me, close my eyes and let it be a better day. But today is a good day. it’s ME, ME, ME, I am stupid today. I let my emotions run me down. I wish I could shut it off, put myself in HAPPY MODE and stay there. Why this brain…. I remind myself about all things that could have been wrong. And I recollect the hard times when I was happy just to be me and nothing else. Where are those times now?

I don’t know what to look forward to. I am not hungry. I am not tired. I am just feeling empty. Empty. Empty. Today I am lost.

Thanks for your interest in my ebooks! I am so honored you enjoy reading what I have to say! Here is a little rundown to explain what the top sellers are about:

FIGHTER DIET EBOOK

My most precious ebook about my unique FD concept. It deals with the whole theory, refeeds, what is allowed and not etc. There are no PLANS in this ebook, it is not a manual, it is a guide to what Fighter Diet is all about!

THE RECIPE EBOOK

Not a book for gourmet folks, but my way of eating according to the FD concept. This is the best way for you to get examples on how to keep it interesting! Veggies rule!

FIGHTER DIET -TRY IT FOR A WEEK

This is an example diet plan you can try to get an idea about Fighter Diet. It’s not the only way to eat according to the concept, but ONE way to do it.

CARDIO FIGHTER DIET STYLE

A quick insight to what intense, result giving cardio is like. It’s my personal routine and it will inspire you to pick up the pace!

I always encourage people and myself to research, read up on matters, go deeper in reasoning in order to see patterns and not just the conclusion. I got my education in Sweden and us student never got away with merely giving the teachers the correct answers, we had to reason and explain how we got that answer. It’s learning HOW, not just BECAUSE.

But then we have information overload. And I am not referring to the constant stream of attention requiring sources of information like TV, radio, internet, cell phones etc, no I am talking about the endless theorizing that leads to less real action.

In the fitness community nothing could be more true: there are a lot of information about how to burn fat, build muscle, how to get lean, how to increase performance etc. All theories have a “but” to them, for instance if you eat carbs post workout it will help you train harder next workout since you replenish your glycogen deposits. However, if you are on a low calorie diet those carbs can halt your weight loss due to you getting too many calories in total for the day. See? It is a good and bad scenario.

There are very many theorist out there who know exactly how every little molecule acts in the body, they know exactly what to eat and how and what fatty acid or amino acid does and how to balance it all to get super results. Well, but then, how come that is seldom combined with walking the talk? Of all those I’ve met almost all of those theorists don’t look like they ever applied any of the knowledge they have!

I don’t think it is because the theories are inaccurate, I just think all the analyzing leads to less actual practicing it, so all that happens is a lot of talking about the proper ways of getting results.

The more I read the more I know I know nothing, it’s my favorite quote because it is so true! I remember a few years back, I read about how to build muscle and how to burn fat and I felt devastated when I realized that those two things are total opposites and don’t go well together. I never accepted that. I refused to see it as two different phases. It just felt weird to do things half heartedly so I just busted my butt day in and day out, doing many things known as “not perfect for neither building or burning” but still, I got the results. Because DOING always wins over THINKING.

People always told me I cannot gain muscle and be strict on calories and do a lot of cardio. Well, I happened to do that. Does not mean someone else will, but I am just reminding myself and others that it does not matter what a theory says, you can always come up with proof that the opposite works just as well.

I feel sometimes that when people get too much information about what to eat, when to eat, nutrient timing, intense training, cardio here and cardio there, growth hormone release, leptin, carbs here and there, amino acid absorption rates etc, ALL IT DOES is complicating matters to the extent people feel it is hopeless because there is always a “BUT” which makes all feel “why even bother”….. because if you read about the body more and more concepts come up that show us we cannot do it all all the time.

Knowledge is power, but true power is always applying the knowledge instead of just having it!

If you want to be really shredded and tight and you are not naturally that way, you will need to work on it hard to get there and then work hard to stay there. Your body will always wanna try increase your fat percentage since staying very very low for women in particular is not what mother nature wanted.

I usually mention I don’t eat for performance, I eat to keep my figure. I do lots of cardio, I overdo cardio. I abuse it. Why? Because it is what it takes for ME to stay super lean. If I were to train less I had to eat less. I don’t want to eat less! So here I can either accept the reality that my metabolism is not a bonfire and be ok with softening up, OR I can fight for my ideals! I choose the latter because I do not let convenience or laziness or lack of drive stop me from achieving and maintaining my idea of “the perfect body”.

If I were to eat more, yes I would be able to train even harder, but still, for what? High intensity training is not something you should do every day anyway! You need recovery sessions too! Sure, if you do three sessions a week yes you should go BALLS TO THE WALLS on those, but what if you do double sessions for 6 days some times 7 days a week? You will need to do recovery sessions which are lower intensity. Not to burn more fat like in the “fat burning zone” which is a stupid concept, but because your body needs to recuperate. Would you train deadlifts, squats and cleans 6 days a week? No. Same thing with cardio: when you do it with extreme intensity, lactic acid training, sprints etc, you gotta treat it with respect!

The solution is not to eat more and train even more for me. I train A LOT and adding even more frequency would burn my body out. You cannot compensate, you will overtrain. This is true when it comes to being very lean and staying that way. Remember, athletes who train for a sport NEED food, NEED to train a lot etc, but that is not what I do: I don’t DO sports! I am a pure breed gym rat!

It’s funny when sometimes people think I overdo the cardio or that I am scared of calories lol… Come on, you think I don’t know what I am doing or why? How easy do you think it is to keep super ultra lean 24/7? By moderate training and moderate calories? Hell no! EXTREME results require EXTREME measurements.

And no, it’s not like you can stop doing a lot of training or soften up your diet once you reach your goals. You will need to keep it up or the stimulus will be changed and your body will adapt. Now, thank god refeeds work very well at staying down and recover mentally and physically, but still, if you wanna keep a certain look, get it, it is not a walk in the park. Unless you use drugs and well you know my take on that: I would never ever see it worthwhile poisoning my body’s organs with it.

There is a reason why so few walk around in super shredded condition: it takes so much dedication! And dedication that never takes a break! No vacation from it! You cannot take a little soft time from the gym and expect to look just as great after a long layoff due to being burned out…

Bodies that are super shredded are LIVING on the edge! Get it! You are not supposed to have a lot of energy left after you’ve done your training! The price you pay is you gotta train thru tiredness, you cannot rely on food for energy, food is for recovery only! You cannot take extra carbs or fats to train harder, you need to recruit your mind and your willpower more than food! You need to work on your mental strength! you got to see yourself as a warrior!

So, if you hate those months precontest and you just manage to do double sessions for a few weeks and then return to normal, stop dreaming about being cut and ready to go onstage every day of the year. it is NOT what you want if it’s not IN you. The people who can do that AND enjoy the whole discipline part of that is a rare breed! You see them, there is one here and there, usually very few and far between. I call them the elite. But that’s because I admire the dedication. I know what it is about and I do the same. But not everyone should. So, get real. And stop thinking there is an easy way for it or a short cut. There ain’t none!

Some mornings you wake up feeling like you did not get any sleep at all even though you did. Those mornings combined with a puffy bloated condition to me means: loooooow energy. It’s like I cannot start the day. I am up for cardio. And even though I try to psych myself up, well, it’s like the pacing monster has put a spell on me.

I know I am overdue with a day off. I know. But I’m not like some people who get burned out and just stop going to the gym. I keep going. I make it there. I do according to the plan.  this is pretty contradicting to the rest of my personality because I listen to my intuition, emotions and feelings all the time, I use them to guide me the right way in my life.  With training, I go by my inner protocol, I do not listen to sensations when it comes to doing what I put up for myself.

So today, my head was tired. And I had planned to do intervals. Intense ones. I tried a few and since i did not push hard enough my heart rate crawled up slow slow slow… Damn it, I gotta get it UP!!!!! I tried and tried, increased one heart beat at a time, it took me 35 minutes before my heart and muscles started to get the idea. I was not gonna get up. I was GONNA reach my 85% “magic” compulsive level. it’s where it is freaking tough to keep the intensity up when you don’t have the fuel from fully recuperated and glycogen replenished muscles…..

I flipped song after song on the iphone looking for that special song to kick me up to high gear but no, there was none motivating ones at all. I was all alone with my own high standards…. So, then, I just digged deep, deep, deep. First get that heart to 150 then to 155, then to 160, now it’s getting hard, I just gotta keep on moving here, push a bit harder, just hang in there and my heart will go up, soon, soon soon!!!  I closed my eyes and visualized how the oxygen hit my lungs and how it flushes down the muscles and how the mitochondria is making energy, how it all is one big super strong machinery and I started to reach that inner marathon race where I am on the last part of it and I need to recruit the fast twich muscle fibers for the spurt, and I kept on, kept on, threatened myself that if I quit, IF I QUIT I don’t mean a shit of what I write or say, IF I QUIT it’s PROOF I don’t want it bad enough, IF I QUIT I AM NO WINNER.  And I just shut off the mind then, let the body do the rest. And when you do that, oh, it knows, it KNOWS you got so much more power and energy than you ever know!!!! My heart rate showed 168. There you go Pauline. How hard was that?????? (ok, it was tough today, but that was just today). So then I did two more of those intense ones.

Just to make sure, just to prove myself I can reach my goal and then KEEP on climbing anyway. Never be satisfied. it’s key.