If I come across like a woman who leaves things to destiny and cruise through life making inconsistent choices passively going with the flow with the stream, well, let me tell you that truly is a very good description of what my personality is NOT like. I’ve screened and scanned most of my life and my habits and motives and trust me I know what I am doing. And I feel like I have it down to a rhythm I enjoy, can keep up and thrive on.

With this intro in mind… I am getting fed up with these constant questions about juicing, blending and doing whatever you can to soften up those veggies. Today a guy wondered if I ever blended my veggies and I said NO I do want to EAT my veggies, not DRINK them. “well, that way you would easier get down the 7 lbs!”. Ok, did someone totally miss the point here…? Let me ask you, WHY do I eat these humongous amounts of veggies? Except for health concerns? (Which I am sure I am overriding in many other ways since excessive of WHATEVER is never perfect, but who IS right?)… Well, eating, chewing a lot of veggies TAKES TIME, it FILLS me up, it makes me FULL.

I do NOT want to juice or blend my veggies into smoothies. Come on, you think I am stupid??? That would make me be a lot more inclined to increase my calories! Which I do not want! “Well, veggies are so low calories” the guy continued. “NOT IF YOU EAT 7 LBS!!!” I lecture him. Still he did not get it. He just did not understand the whole idea behind my concept on the overeating practice…. SIGH. Some days I get very tired when someone does not see the whole picture and just pick up a few things here and there and then JUMP into conclusion.

I understand I do many things that seem weird. I do get that. But then, for instance… When you get very BASIC advice on something you did not ask for advice on, you get pissed. No, I do not train weights before cardio because building muscle is not my priority. Cardio work at intense level burns a lot more energy! I do however train some muscle groups heavy because I do not want to downsize all muscle groups. And resistance training has a tremendous effect on increasing the metabolim 24/7. Weight training is just another very good way to keep the body burning calories. Altogether, the more volume of training you can do without burning out or getting injured or sick, the more calories you will be able to expend and the more you will impact your body composition….

So, I do have reasons behind what I do…. I am just reminding those who do not get that…..

Ok, back to veggies. Juicing or blending has its place in people’s life. IF you are a hardgainer and a small appetite is what you got, well, then do juice so you can get down all the nutrients from vegetables without feeling the bulk of veggies. Or if you cannot get down veggies for some reason. I think though that whoever says “I cannot eat veggies, I cannot stomach them” had a bad upbringing! Yup! If you cannot eat something healthy due to spoiled taste buds, well, I have no pity for you! Just eat it! Deal with it and stop being a little spoiled toddler who eats nothing but animal crackers and peanut butter.

Also, on another note: Fighter Diet is BASED on eating extreme amounts of vegetables. If you just eat 4 or 5 cups a day YOU ARE NOT DOING IT THE RIGHT WAY. I came up with new guidelines for those who just don’t get how much you need to make it a true fighter diet regimen:

To be considered a FD follower you must eat AT LEAST 2 % of your body weight of veggies per day.

if you have my big appetite up to 5% of your body weight is more of what I do. But I know, most people cannot chew down that much.

OK, enough for today!

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Repeat a mantra and you become it. That is why I practice not feeling exhaustion. In the morning I initiate my self propaganda and brain wash by saying “I am energized, I feel energized” time after time after time. I keep on as I get dressed. I cannot afford to focus on tuning in to the drained sensation, the “I’m so tired” comment I try to ban, making it a NONpart of my vocabulary.

You are what you think. You become what you think. I know this. My body does what my mind says, so the solution is to make that mind so powerful, so strong, so independent from the body you can do nothing but win every battle.

My strongest asset is not my body, my mind is. I’ve worked years to be tough, to be disciplined. When my muscles say “slow down” I dig deeper, ask myself  “so how much do you want this, keep the eye on the reward”.

During cardio, some sessions, I climb the machine and the lactic acid kicks in right away because it takes a few minutes for the aerobic system to work, but the muscles are so depleted they get acidic from nothing…. Oh, those minutes I wonder how on earth will I make it to push hard, to get to my high heart rate, the right zone to improve body composition. And then I know, I am just pacing myself, I KNOW I can do it, I just need to push ONCE. So I do… I get my most motivating beat on, I increase the speed, the effort, the power and see my heart rate slowly slowly raise. I am just a few beats from my PEAK I want to reach to feel like I did my best and there I get stuck. That damn heart is so strong, the muscles so tired but I DO I DO I DO not QUIT until I GET THERE!!!!!!!! I keep on pushing, eyes not leaving the display, raise damn it, raise up to the max, come on just give it to me!!!!!! No way do I want to slow down because I am scared I won’t be able to get that close again and I don’t want to go for another try. I give it my ALL.

And I reach it. I can slow down. Once again I know I am in charge. If I just set my mind to it I can push harder than anybody else. It does not matter I don’t give the fuel for the activity, my body should do what I tell it to do.

For me cardio was never a “walk in the time”. Every session has a purpose, every session has a reason, a target, a goal.  I am just as anxious about those as I were at repping my deadlifts better than ever or increase the weight in the squats. But this is another game…. I see stars, yeah, I need to hold on to the machine because honestly I’m embarassed I’d fall some time….. I’ve never passed out in my whole life and I won’t now either but the thought has crossed my mind.

I FEEL ENERGIZED, I AM FULL OF ENERGY. You become what you think. So I choose to think I am invincible.

Yesterday morning woke up, did my first cardio session in quiet. I was so fed up with my music I rather did not listen to anything. Some times I enjoy listening to the wheezing sounds from the treadmills, the iron that clashes together in the bench press area and to my own breathing. It cleanses my mind. I have noticed a new sensation too when I am less motivated to train: the lactic acid the first few minutes on the machine before the aerobic system kicks in…. It’s a true sign my muscles are pretty depleted from all the new extra work.

So, yesterday in the silent cardio hour I thought about the past and how I usually approached cardio and how I got leaner and leaner as I got older. My first years competing in Sweden I was into the endless powerwalking because the gyms were closed and I followed the stream. The Scandinavians really bought that fatburning concept lol… I however did not, so the later “stockholm years” when I was prepping for my pro debut in San Francisco I rememeber I did sprints outdoors when it was 5 degrees fahrenheit (-15 C) My bronchi tighten up, I  couldn’t breathe because the mucus turned into a jelly mess due to the cold. Another stupid thing I practiced was jogging it that cold climate, slip and slide mode on the ice spots on the bridges of Stockholm… And that is how I ended up with my two frost bites that now show up as scarrs on two right fingers every time it gets a little little chilly here in sunny, pretty warm LA….. I got lean though.

So when I came to America, the big change was not the training, it was my approach to food in general. It was really like this: as soon as I put my feet on the American soil I stopped eating what I should not eat. Of course it got me leaner! I never did more than maybe top one hour morning cardio for my pro shows. And I competed around 110 to 116 every time. I don’t know, I was just smaller, not leaner than now…. During one part of my life here I was on a hectic schedule where I was up for work at 3.30 am for 5 days a week and I could not sleep at all… That year I was pretty small and stressed with a horrible temper! It was after this phase when my every day life slowed down in a positive way I suddenly grew more muscular. the year of 2009 was my growing season it seems now in after thought.

I still recollect those two special occasions when an inner voice told me “the truth”. First, as I was walking to Golds one morning, I was in a bad mood feeling that typical “why do I have to do THIS much and I am so fed up with it!!!” when it suddenly hit me: I choose this for myself. How can I not cherish it and still do it? I am wasting my time if I don’t see the purpose of doing it. If I cannot learn to enjoy the process even though it is a draining process or an necessary evil, I am wasting my precious time on earth doing it. This inner voice told me to learn to love it or stop doing it. And since I refused to be a soft-body I just accepted and said “ok Boss” to the voice.

The second epiphany I got running on the beach. I was close to Santa Monica Pier I recollect. I suddenly got this feeling of all needs for bad foods and wishes to some day eat it without paying the consequences disappear, I realized that it would never be a part of my every day life as long as I wanted to live my life as I wanted to live it. It may sound weird, but I just realized how “for nothing” following impulses are, how little it adds to your positive experiences and how much it impacts your sense of self worth to give in and just settle for not feeling or looking as great…..

I am so happy I had these two experiences….. It showed me the way how I should approach my philosophy. My desires for unnecessary things got deleted. And I felt an amazing relief, like a big burden was taken off my shoulders….

YEsterday I did cardio for a second round just to burn a few more calories on the amount of calories I set up for myself to burn each day. And then a third workout pm. I also did weights. I did shoulders hard, back I worked out well and my butt moves. To cut to the chase on what I do right now is:

LOTS of cardio, heavy training for shoulders, back. Butt exercises except for the big muscle builders Deadlifts and Squats. I feel great. Except for my tiredness but that will past after some rest and a refeed! Hope I get down to 115 after xmas for my cover shoot the 21st of January.

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Taking in people’s comments and opinions is one thing. Adapting what they suggest is another. How do you know when a friend is looking out for you? How do you know if those “good suggestions” are actually not intended to help you but to harm you?

Some people are not honest. Yes it is no surprise but even so called friends can be enemies who try to manipulate you. Usually it stems from jealousy or envy. You better watch out. You better listen to your own intuition and follow your own heart.

I’ve met many “friends” who tried to change me into someone else. I’ve met many “friends” who tried to push me down, make me insecure and feel like shit. What do I do with those people? I cut them off from my life.

The worst kind of people are those who initially gain your trust, then they take advantage of you having confidence in them and try to manipulate your actions into doing things that make them feel better and make you look or seem worse.

You should always have an open heart and let people in but it’s a balance act. You cannot count on people being straight with you. There are more than one person in the world who are solely looking out for personal gain and step on dead bodies if needed to get what they want. It’s nasty, it’s very unappealing but it exists.

If you listen to what your intuition says when you let people in into your life you will know if they are good or bad for your life. And if you sense they are not contributing but just taking from you, it is your call to say bye bye and move on.

It is never cool when someone tries to change your personality.

It is never cool when someone tells you degrading comments.

It is never cool when someone tries to make you feel confused and insecure.

It is never cool when someone tries to take away from your uniqueness.

it is never cool when someone tries to transform you into something he or she likes instead of encouraging you to keep your strong qualities and your best assets.

When someone purposely tries to neutralize you by making you feel, look, appear, act or interact more blandly, it is time to say good bye for good.

Vegetables are mandatory in order to prevent disease and inflammation, but they do come with side effects: gas, bloating, digestive difficulties. With time your body will get accustomed to the fiber rich, hard to chew down veggies by manufacturing just the right enzymes to facilitate the problem, but it takes time!

Eating veggies raw is really asking for problem. I don’t care about those who believe raw food is the best: in order to reap the benefits of a faster metabolism you got to get used to eating a lot. Volume that is! So, how the heck will you be able to do that if all you do all day is fart and pass gas? LOL

I get this question a lot: “do you get bloated from the fiber and veggies?” My answer is AFTER I EAT A BIG MEAL LIKE WHEAT BRAN PORRIDGE or MY BIG DINNER, of course I have a big stomach! If that is what you mean by being bloated, yeah. It goes away after a couple of hours. I don’t mind because it does keep away hunger. Which was the whole point with overeating vegetables….

Just like you must be patient in the gym and you ought to go train to shape up, you cannot have the cookie and eat it too. Eating lots of veggies will fill you up. Yes you will feel all puffy maybe. BUT you will get leaner by being capable of staying committed to not eating junk!

The whole idea about fighter diet is you eat a tremendous amount of veggies. The reasons are many but the strongest ones are appetite control, the luxury of being able to eat yourself full every day AND it reduces the harmful effects a high protein intake has on the body: increased acidity. Since a lot of protein is needed to build muscle AND it helps burn calories, you do want to minimize the consequences of such a diet style. Vegetables are key.

Also, there are different ways on how to approach the whole eating issue. If you have a tendency to get too hungry during the day, you should prevent it from happening by eating veggies at many of your meals. If you have no problem staying on track all day but fail easily at night, then you want to have all your veggies at night so you can feast on it until you’re good and more.

I feel that in general people are so concerned with being perfect, flat stomach all the time but then they cannot keep it up and gorge on the junk food or sugars. Instead, if you let yourself EAT and are OK with having your stomach full with fiber, veggies and water, you will get leaner in the long run. Stuffing yourself does not make you fat. Eating high caloric food makes you fat. So, bulky low calorie veggies that really adds volume to your belly after a meal will NOT equal fat gain. Au contraire! veggies trick your brain into thinking it got more calories than you actually did. The brain senses fullness! If yo are full of fiber or full of crap, the brain does not see the difference.

I would not worry about that tiny waist people…. Listen… I do photo shoots all the time. I eat tons of fiber and veggies. I look pregnant every night. I don’t mind. I just stay away from the noodles and fiber the day before a shoot!

“When I got to Los Angeles, I didn`t know anybody. The only person I had a little bit contact with was you Pauline, and the day I meet you – and you said “yes” to help me towards my show, I was thrilled! You have been my “superhero”, and inspiration for five years know – nothing could make me happier than having you by my side.

My biggest problem through the years have been my time between my shows. The time many people call “off season”. I always gain too much weight, and every year I need to rip it all off when my shows are coming up. I`m not a big junk food eater, but I`m a big portion eater! It didn`t matter if it was something healthy, it`s still calories and I ate way too much. Finally I learned how to go through my “off season time” without gaining a ton of weight! Pauline showed me how she lives her life, her “tricks” for staying in shape, and how I really could be able to live my life in a good shape, all year around – without feeling like I was constantly starving!

But Pauline didn`t just show me how to live my life off season, this was just the start. She also gave me a different kind of support than I`m used to on my diets. If I didn`t see her in a couple of days, she always sent texts wondering about how I felt – and when you are tired on a diet…That means A LOT! Another thing was trust, I know I really could trust Pauline. I could tell her everything, without ever doubting she would not keep it to herself. When I contacted Pauline, I didn`t have long until my show was coming up, only two months..So the stress often got to me, and ripped away my believing. For me, when I`m doing my shows – the mental state means almost more than anything else. To have someone backing you up at all times, listen to you when you have something to say, telling you that YOU can do it, see the talent in you and just really SHOW that they care about you – when the dieting gets to your head. This person Pauline proved to be, and because of her I continued believing in myself – and completed the show. With the best result I ever could hope for, a FIRST PLACE! It`s insane to think that I actually wanted to skip it, because I didn`t feel good enough…I truly believe that if it wasn`t for Pauline’s backup, support and help I would have skipped the show – and missed out on my biggest happiness and experience so far in my life!

-Excalibur Figure winner 2009 Heidi Vonka Koi

People! When you buy in the AST shop for 100 dollars or more I will send you a free gift! Either the popular calendar from last year, a t-shirt if you are a woman (because I am out of the men’s!), signed pic or an ebook!

All you need to do is support me with a purchase!

I wonder how many training logs I’ve used, written and thrown away through the past ten years… They really helped me push beyond my limits, making me be aware of what I was doing so I wouldn’t just go to the gym, pick some dumbbells and hope they were the right weight. No, I planned everything. Every rep, every set. I took notes on how it felt, the feedback from my muscles, order, reps, motivational quotes, notes about my cardio, heart rate, temperature, food intake, sleep, rest between sets. You name it I got it down to the science.

Now, things are different. I have no real plan of action for this. I was always in tune with my body, but now, well, I’m on another level! I may weight train about two three times a week, but all I do is heavy shoulder sets, some hanging around doing pull-ups and pull-downs plus whole lotta glute work since I am obsessed with feeling the pump in my butt lol. It’s fun, I enjoy being spontaneous for once. This is maintenance of some muscles, shrink wrapping others. I would not ever go back to heavy leg training unless I get too skinny because I prefer the way my legs look and feel now. Less stiff, better flexibility which I enjoy practicing.

Some moments I wonder what am I doing???? I have not worked out for 6 weeks according to what I find is an efficient workout. But then I remind myself what my goals are. The weights are just tools. My brain wants a backup plan. I got one: if I get too small, well I will just weight train heavy again and the muscles should pop up to normal size….. Muscle memory is a wonderful thing.

It IS hard for me to accept that I don’t need to lift weights really. The muscles are there. The little stimulation they get is enough to stay. But I do do LOVE the look my body is getting….

One thing I’ve learned about cardio: for weight maintenance it does not matter for me to do 10 minutes a day or 3 hours. Cardio does not do much for me in that department. On the other hand, leaning out takes LOADS of cardio and it takes WEEKS before i see ANY change. But when I then get down where I want it is usually cruising more…. we will see what will be asked of me this time around! I am training more than ever, burning more energy than ever and I am not eating more. SO time will tell what will come out of this project. I am happy I made the decision to be brave and step out of my comfort zone for something I knew I had to do.