This has nothing to do with fitness or nutrition, but since it’s my blog and I blog about whatever off topic I want, well, be careful for what you don’t wish for, here is my view on the PERFECT relationship.
In my life I’ve had very few true love stories. Once when I was 13 I fell madly in love with an artist who I wanted to marry and begged for him to wait for me. He was 12 years older and I was quite a pain in the butt since I hovered around his house to catch his attention… Second big one was the man I later married, Pavel. He “discovered” me when he was visiting my Home gym, but was too shy to approach me. You know me too, I have that special “I don’t see, I don’t look” mean face too when I work out;-). He went back a few weeks later and then saw me again. History repeated itself and he couldn’t make himself approach me. Thank god he did cause I would NOT have been happy about that during the middle of my workout. Well, Pavel couldn’t stop thinking about me, so he sent a “wanted poster” to the gym where he described me, put up a picture of himself and hoped they’d hunt me down. And so they did. I didn’t respond. I was trying to catch a football player I had a crush on, so I let three months pass. One day I had had enough of the hard to get football player so I called him “hey, are you interested or not?” and he said “well…”, I gave up, hung up, and: dialed Pavel’s number. I left a voice mail message without a return number. I called again a week later and I remember, one of the first things I asked him was “Do you want to move to America?”. Fortunately he said yes, and that was quite my “GO” signal. We met, liked each other directly, we were best friends from day 1, did everything together, were best buddies, had same career goals, liked the same things, were the same kind of people.
We put ALL on our pursuit to move to America. We were all business. We talked and breathed America day in and day out. Our goal was getting here together. The key in was my “extraordinary ability qualification” and the key-holder was Pavel. We were just a damn good team!
Finally we made it, we came to America. Our goals were completed. Two years went on and suddenly both of us felt what we had deep down known from the very start: we had no chemistry as lovers. Nothing. We just didn’t match like that at all. As efficient as we were as business partners, as deficient we were as a loving couple. The first years of our relationship I was the “hunter” wanting to get more passion, but Pavel was not interested, he was stressed from work he said (now I know he just felt we were not a couple), then when I lost my interest, Pavel tried to come along and improve our love life… THAT didn’t work, I refused, didn’t want anything like that at all.
One day, I met a man who took my heart away. It was passion at the highest level. I couldn’t keep myself away. It was so strong I was crazy. It was very scary to come home, tell your best friend who you moved to another country with to live your life together that you no longer can go on…. After 7 years, married and all, I called it quits. I followed my heart and hoped Pavel wanted to keep on as best friends….. It was hell…. I was torn, Pavel was torn. But we worked it out and suddenly had a better relationship as best best soulmates for life than we had before we split up. Suddenly we realized we were not supposed to be lovers, but best friends for good. We were supposed to come here together and “whatever power” that wanted us to do it thought we could deal with being a bit duped.
The other guy, what happened to him? oh, I got bored, cause all we had was the passion and the chemistry. Nothing more. So we broke up. 5 times. And then no more love there.
What I’ve learned about this is: there is no way you can get it ALL in one relationship: friendship, love, passion, business, security. Because everything gets “old and slow” sooner or later. Passion or being in love is just a starter and it will sooner or later grow into true love, then to friendship and what happens? your passion dies!
The wonderful thing with being in love is you’re on a high, drugged. It’s natural. After a while (I believe I read it is no more than 1 year top) you will sober up and then it’s everyday life again. For those who want a family and settle down, sure there is no way around it and you have to nurture your love life, but I myself am not the slightest interested in this at all. I don’t want to compromise, don’t want to take someone else’s opinions into consideration, I don’t want to having to say “I am going to do this, do you approve?”.
The perfect relationship to me is one without any compromises, no obligations, no commitments, but…you do want exclusivity..But no responsibility… A typical catch 22.
I HAVE a best friend. I don’t want another one. The only “need” for a partner is one for intimacy. But with that comes the other stuff: most people want you to spend time with them, dating, go out, go to the movies etc. I don’t want that really. There is first of all no real interest from my part, I also don’t prioritize it. My life is filled with stuff I love doing, but I don’t want a new partner to share it with….
Also, if you’re like me, a loner who thrives off being single, then you’re quite content and happy with being solo. It’s the perfect situation, you’re free to flirt, free to see people, free to do whatever you want IF you want to. I don’t want any serious relationship cause all I want is the shallow fun. Maybe you think the solution is “get a friend with benefits” and my response to that my friend is: I do not get attracted to my FRIENDS, and, I don’t want to be intimate unless I am in love. And in love, well, that I am not that often!
The Perfect relationship? My answer is having a few friends who give you something of each: one for love, one for friendship etc. As long as both parties are under the same agreement, it should be 100% cool. It’s time for new kinds of relationships in the 21st century anyway, let’s open for the more open ones.