This has nothing to do with fitness or nutrition, but since it’s my blog and I blog about whatever off topic I want, well, be careful for what you don’t wish for, here is my view on the PERFECT relationship.

In my life I’ve had very few true love stories. Once when I was 13 I fell madly in love with an artist who I wanted to marry and begged for him to wait for me. He was 12 years older and I was quite a pain in the butt since I hovered around his house to catch his attention… Second big one was the man I later married, Pavel. He “discovered” me when he was visiting my Home gym, but was too shy to approach me. You know me too, I have that special “I don’t see, I don’t look” mean face too when I work out;-). He went back a few weeks later and then saw me again. History repeated itself and he couldn’t make himself approach me. Thank god he did cause I would NOT have been happy about that during the middle of my workout. Well, Pavel couldn’t stop thinking about me, so he sent a “wanted poster” to the gym where he described me, put up a picture of himself and hoped they’d hunt me down. And so they did. I didn’t respond. I was trying to catch a football player I had a crush on, so I let three months pass. One day I had had enough of the hard to get football player so I called him “hey, are you interested or not?” and he said “well…”, I gave up, hung up, and: dialed Pavel’s number. I left a voice mail message without a return number. I called again a week later and I remember, one of the first things I asked him was “Do you want to move to America?”. Fortunately he said yes, and that was quite my “GO” signal. We met, liked each other directly, we were best friends from day 1, did everything together, were best buddies, had same career goals, liked the same things, were the same kind of people.

We put ALL on our pursuit to move to America. We were all business. We talked and breathed America day in and day out. Our goal was getting here together. The key in was my “extraordinary ability qualification” and the key-holder was Pavel. We were just a damn good team!

Finally we made it, we came to America. Our goals were completed. Two years went on and suddenly both of us felt what we had deep down known from the very start: we had no chemistry as lovers. Nothing. We just didn’t match like that at all. As efficient as we were as business partners, as deficient we were as a loving couple. The first years of our relationship I was the “hunter” wanting to get more passion, but Pavel was not interested, he was stressed from work he said (now I know he just felt we were not a couple), then when I lost my interest, Pavel tried to come along and improve our love life… THAT didn’t work, I refused, didn’t want anything like that at all.

One day, I met a man who took my heart away. It was passion at the highest level. I couldn’t keep myself away. It was so strong I was crazy. It was very scary to come home, tell your best friend who you moved to another country with to live your life together that you no longer can go on…. After 7 years, married and all, I called it quits. I followed my heart and hoped Pavel wanted to keep on as best friends….. It was hell…. I was torn, Pavel was torn. But we worked it out and suddenly had a better relationship as best best soulmates for life than we had before we split up. Suddenly we realized we were not supposed to be lovers, but best friends for good. We were supposed to come here together and “whatever power” that wanted us to do it thought we could deal with being a bit duped.

The other guy, what happened to him? oh, I got bored, cause all we had was the passion and the chemistry. Nothing more. So we broke up. 5 times. And then no more love there.

What I’ve learned about this is: there is no way you can get it ALL in one relationship: friendship, love, passion, business, security. Because everything gets “old and slow” sooner or later. Passion or being in love is just a starter and it will sooner or later grow into true love, then to friendship and what happens? your passion dies!

The wonderful thing with being in love is you’re on a high, drugged. It’s natural. After a while (I believe I read it is no more than 1 year top) you will sober up and then it’s everyday life again. For those who want a family and settle down, sure there is no way around it and you have to nurture your love life, but I myself am not the slightest interested in this at all. I don’t want to compromise, don’t want to take someone else’s opinions into consideration, I don’t want to having to say “I am going to do this, do you approve?”.

The perfect relationship to me is one without any compromises, no obligations, no commitments, but…you do want exclusivity..But no responsibility… A typical catch 22.

I HAVE a best friend. I don’t want another one. The only “need” for a partner is one for intimacy. But with that comes the other stuff: most people want you to spend time with them, dating, go out, go to the movies etc. I don’t want that really. There is first of all no real interest from my part, I also don’t prioritize it. My life is filled with stuff I love doing, but I don’t want a new partner to share it with….

Also, if you’re like me, a loner who thrives off being single, then you’re quite content and happy with being solo. It’s the perfect situation, you’re free to flirt, free to see people, free to do whatever you want IF you want to. I don’t want any serious relationship cause all I want is the shallow fun. Maybe you think the solution is “get a friend with benefits” and my response to that my friend is: I do not get attracted to my FRIENDS, and, I don’t want to be intimate unless I am in love. And in love, well, that I am not that often!

The Perfect relationship? My answer is having a few friends who give you something of each: one for love, one for friendship etc. As long as both parties are under the same agreement, it should be 100% cool. It’s time for new kinds of relationships in the 21st century anyway, let’s open for the more open ones.

Competed and now don’t know what to do? Depending on your goals and what you did or didn’t do, you go about it different ways:

Most people get struck by post contest frenzies and cannot control their diet when the show time is over. Out of the window is the discipline and basically you are just not able to say no to all you’ve been deprived of for long. If you happen to be going through this, then I’m sure you noticed how fast the pounds come back even after only a few days of indulging. So what to do? Well, if you want to get back to pre contest shape, then you need to get back to the strict diet. Cardio? If you did it to get in shape, now you’re trying to lean out again, so up you go on the treadmill!

Now, what if you didn’t gain body fat, just regained the normal few pounds? If you are happy with your condition and don’t feel the need to lean out, OR you are trying to change your muscle mass, then, the more you can eat without gaining fat the better. So it’s not wise to stay lower with your calories just for the sake of it. Quite the opposite. There is no “you are doing better” cause you are having less calories than your body actually can use.

Cardio in this situation depends: for us who don’t maintain leanness without a ton, then make sure you keep it up. But, if you didn’t need more than a few sessions per week to get in great shape, why not cut it down and do only two-three intense, short sessions? You don’t need more for your cardio fitness.

Then, let’s say you have months to the next show, you like your look, but you still don’t know if you should just stick to your pre contest diet: Well, here you need to experiment, make it useful. Either you can add a bit more room to your food choices, choose some of your favorite foods and include them on the menu. That, or try refeeds to fill up your glycogen for better training and to prevent lethargy!

If you are just a few weeks between multiple shows and your body is in a spin, make sure you reintroduce post workout carbs, or add oatmeal/oatbran in the morning etc just so you don’t catabolize muscle. Pay attention daily, so you can stop if your body starts to look too smooth.

Some times when you’re really lean and you have eaten too little and trained too much for too long, your body starts to look softer and softer. You feel smooshy. The natural response is to train more and diet harder, but most likely if you looked cut a few days ago, then suddenly not, it might be you need to 1)take a day off  2) eat more carbs! It does not have to be that big amount and I like to change a few things that take me out of that low and dead zone:

Have oatbran instead of wheat bran

include a serving of nuts (right now my favorite is macadamias. I feel like they satisfy me way more than almonds btw)

Instead of lower calorie veggies I go for beats, squash, maybe yams, carrots etc

I choose fattier protein sources (salmon, venison) instead of pink salmon, egg whites etc

Now, this strategy usually keeps me happy for a while when I cannot afford to refeed due to photo shoots etc. You see, what if it “goes wrong” and I end up bloated a few days on the WRONG days…LOL

Anyway, try to relax about the whole “what do I do now!” and enjoy your food and your training!

I love walking down the silent streets on a Sunday afternoon in Venice, when everyone is at the beach. It’s quiet. And I can see those special thin grass plants slowly swinging with the wind.  I love waking up when I do, not when I have to. When I walk home from the gym at night and the sun has set, I feel like I’m the one calling it a night and the whole city goes to sleep… I love the feeling of paying attention to the fact there is a spider on the wall, or that I after three years living in this house need to count the steps up to my door because I don’t know how many they are.

I love that I have lists on things I must write, read, listen to and comment on. To pick up a glossy magazine portraying amazing landscapes I can dream away to even though I live in the city of my dreams is a luxury. I love that I can look around at the items at wholefood store for as long as I like cause I have nothing to rush home to. I live close to the beach and some mornings when the waves come in strong I stay in bed to listen to them, and I love that I am able to.

I love what music does to me. How it motivates me, fires me up. I love that I can search allover the world at my fingertips for any topic thanks to the internet. There is not one day going by without me thinking “I’m SO lucky, I’m living my dream life!” and truly mean it. I love that I’m a simple woman: my happiness is complete when I’m doing my thing…. I am fortunate to have a passion, a hobby, a meaningful purpose.

I’m lucky to have found both soul mates and passionate love, close friends, real friends and that I know how to love. I’m lucky I am not feeling incomplete cause I’m not part of a duo and that I prefer it that way. I feel there is nothing missing. I love that some days my eye is caught and some days I’m blind.

I love that I have time, I have time to reflect upon all things on my list of reflections to do. I love that I am at ease. I love that I feel empowered and eager to learn what I’m weak at. I have a strong body with a strong mind. And I’m here to experience it and ride along.