Just like you dress for your body type you should train for your body type. Short legs and a long torso: would you dress in flat high boots and a tunic? I hope not. And if you have beer bottled neck and shoulders, a tie or a polo shirt don’t really broaden your frame.

Bodybuilding is no different. Don’t train your arms to be huge sausages if your shoulders are tiny. And puny lats and wide waist? stay away from increasing your body fat too much and avoid side bends with weights since both can make you straight from shoulders to hips.

When your butt is flat, should you do long distance running if your goal is lean but curvy? No, endurance running is not promoting a great butt. Asians usually have less voluptuous behinds, black women pull of the craziest hip to shoulder ratio, white chicks tend to look drawn when dieted down and Asians are usually smoother, black women more muscular etc. NOW, these are generalization, it’s not always the case, but what I want to point out is we are all different. It doesn’t matter you will diet or train the exact same way as someone else, you won’t get the same results.

Bodybuilding is sculpting the body to perfection. It’s not “building whatever you can in all places you can”. Quite the opposite. You need to closely monitor where the muscle is taking shape. What happens to your lines? Your frame can only hold a certain amount of muscle before it can turn bulky, if you like that look go for it, but if not, you need to focus on balancing your body’s symmetry and muscle groups.

Some people have an easy time building muscle, but hard time to lose fat. Some people are skinny but with fat and can eat a lot without gaining muscle  just gaining fat. Some are skinny and can eat amazing amounts of food and not get muscular. Some are skinny but clean up their act and eat and train to get muscular and they do. Some are muscular and ripped by nature. Some have all the needed genetics but no drive. Some have all drive and no talent but still overcome that and become great at what they do. Some have talent and drive but no patience. Some have work ethic and a perfect body but no drive or interest. As you can see there are many variations!

You can never look at a picture of a physique and just expect and assume that you will achieve that certain look. The look or physique is just as unique as is an artist’s work or a musician’s music. It cannot be copied and be as genuine. You need to find inspiration in those who have the similar physiques you like, who have the same genetics or drive. You need to see your body’s strong points and make them stronger while bringing the weak ones up or downplaying them.

Bodybuilding is part training for looks, part training for function, part training for well-being and health. The better you are at balancing and taking care of all three parts the better you will feel and look. No amazing bodies are created by accident. They have been molded and carved out for years. Many thoughts, many frustrations, many personal records and personal defeats have colored that physique.

Don’t ever ask if you can look like someone special you look up to or get inspired by. Demand yourself to be the best YOU can be so you inspire others. I never had a body role model for instance. I didn’t look at bodies and said “that’s what I want”. I KNEW I had it in me, I just had to create the potential to a real deal. That’s what everyone’s gotta do. Step away from the dreaming table and go to the drawing table.

It was about time to take care of all those who are not interested in an extreme fat loss diet, neither in the mood to get muscular and chubby with a weight gain plan. For once the focus is on all us “in the middle” fitness freaks who detest off seasons, can use more muscle, need strength and energy to train, YET no way accept fat accumulation. Voila, FDX2!

FDX2 includes two meal plans: one for the ladies, one for the gentlemen. Workout days, off days and refeeds are all easily lined up. Pre and post workout is of course on the plan.

The calorie levels can be adjusted up and down by taking out some of the calories. Total calories for each day and each meal is outlined.

This is the perfect plan for you who train to build muscle and to burn fat. It’s how you do it FD style.

You can pre order by sending 24.99 USD via paypal to pauline@ fighterdiet.com or wait til it hits the web shop!

How much cardio do I have to do? How many sessions? How long? What style? What machine? How intense? Do I need a heart rate monitor? Why are intervals better? or are they not? Do I need to do double cardio? I want to grow muscle can I  do cardio anyway? Will muscle break down muscle? How do I stay lean and gain muscle at the same time?

And all those questions come to mind in less than 30 seconds because they are the most common questions I get.

For us who want to be lean and have muscle mass more than average, we do cardio primarily for achieving a higher caloric expenditure per day, secondarily for health benefits. The more cardio you do, the more calories you burn, but if you do too much you rob your strength and your body releases too much cortisol which can have an adverse effect on muscle mass if it’s released in excess. All training releases cortisol. The longer the training the higher the cortisol release. The more intense the training the higher the cortisol release too. Training short and with low intensity is not a choice if you want to build muscle since you must train hard to overload your body so it adapts to the stress and grows.

In order to get super lean you most likely need to do more cardio than for health benefits. If you usually do none it’s common practice to start out with a few sessions per week and add as time goes by. You can add intensity, duration, frequency etc. People who have on and off seasons usually cut back a lot on cardio (if not totally) during the muscle building off season and add it in when it’s time to lean down. Those who do this usually gain lots more weight than they wish because they 1) eat more than needed 2) train less cardio.

If you are naturally lean and don’t even have to diet really strict there is absolutely no reason to do more cardio than needed to maintain health. This is usually considered being about 3 intense workouts per week. If you do more than needed it can impact your muscle- and strength gains.

For those who have very little muscle, are skinny, but have relatively high body fat percentage (skinny fat), this is quite a catch 22. You must pay attention to how cardio affects your energy levels. You can not afford losing your force and power on cardio when you really need to lift some weight to tone up! For skinny fat people it takes a little while to get somewhere with your body. This is due to the fact you don’t have enough muscle to diet down and you don’t either have a fast metabolism which enables you to eat a lot to gain muscle without packing on pounds of fat as well.

For those who have bodies that seem to run happily on one calorie a day (like me), there are two options: either do lots of cardio to stay or get really cut OR settle for a less ripped look except for occasional photo shoots, competitions or what have you. This body type gains muscle relatively easy, you recover faster than most people, your base strength when starting out was stronger than average. The negative part is you need to bust your butt a lot more on a daily basis even though you eat super clean and watch everything that goes down your mouth.

Many people say they get lean with minimum amount of cardio. So be it. But before you believe them, try to figure out where they are coming from and what THEY perceive as LEAN. What is “bloated” for one is “ripped” for another. What is skinny for one, is toned for another. Fat for one person might be curvy for someone else. With this being said, cardio depends on who you are, what goals you have, your metabolism, your gender, your diet, your hormones, your capacity to train hard and your capacity to recover and repeat over and over without breaking down.

For ideas on how to make your cardio effective, check out my ebooks “CARDIO FD STYLE” volume 1 and 2!

I was raised to be an independent woman. As a child my mom encouraged me to go for my dreams and she convinced me daily that success comes to those who work for it. Mothers are the most important role models in a young girl’s life and I was lucky to be daughter to a strong, tough, loving and caring lady. I owe her my self-worth, my belief in myself and my determination.

I was raised to speak my mind, never be afraid of other people’s opinions about me, not settle for anything less than what I wanted in life. I was also taught it would not come easy and that the only one who could stop me from succeeding was myself.

I am a strong woman. I want other women to be strong. I am not referring to strong bodies, I am referring to the concept that each woman shall follow her own passion, do what she wants, not what society expects her to do.

My mission is not to be a role model of exquisite health. If it was I’d be way off since health in its perfection means balance and moderation regarding nutrition, exercise, body and mind. My mission is to serve as an example of being a strong woman who is not afraid to stand up for myself, to go against the stream, write what few want to write but what needs to be written and to show that you don’t have to be “normal” to be happy or successful. It’s ok to want something else than the typical, it’s ok to weigh things differently than other people do.

In general people confuse health and fitness. And also relative fitness and health. Nothing done at an extreme level, like elite sports and athletics, is 100% healthy but it sure is healthier than sedentary lifestyles of today’s society!

As a woman it’s not “normal” to have ultra low body fat. We are not designed to work that way. We do not bear children that way. But does that mean it shall not be approved to choose that ideal and lifestyle? What if we as women do not care for being mothers or being fertile? What if our goals in life are not to be mothers and wives? As always, if one takes one’s body to extremes in any direction it will come with consequences. Here, my mission is to educate women about the potential dangers so each woman can take a stand and evaluate if she does want to be a lean superwoman or not. Mind my words I do not say either is better or of higher value.

I take very good care of my health and as an athlete I am as healthy as they come. However I will not treat anyone as a fool and state my body works like a normal woman’s body cause it doesn’t! My low body fat combined with a high physical stress level causes the brain to stop signaling to the ovaries to ovulate. Why? It would be unwise to allow a pregnancy under such circumstances. If the woman stops training, gains body fat AND has patience to wait for her reproductive system to commence again, she will be able to become pregnant.

For those women, like myself, who don’t plan on having children, this issue doesn’t matter. As a fact, what’s nicer than not having to deal with periods! It’s cheaper not have one too.

But, there is ONE big danger for women who choose to stay very lean: bone loss. There is a way around this dilemma: it’s to make sure your female hormones are high enough to protect and build the bones (cause estrogen is a bone-building hormone), yet it does not have to be a high as induce ovulation. During ovulation the female hormone estrogen is at its climax. You don’t need this climax to protect your bones.

THIS IS THE ONLY REAL CONCERN FOR WOMEN WHO CHOOSE TO BE VERY LEAN.

So, after having this said, what is health for me? Health is of utmost priority to me. But I also have my body ideals, my life philosophy and to me that means I am entitled to have the body I choose to have. I go against my genetics, I work against my genetics, I work against human instinct and habits day in and day out in a society promoting romanticizing junk food and convenient sedentary lifestyles. I do this because it’s how I express myself. My body is my chronic exhibition of self expression.

Why do I have a need to be so lean? Well, I am not sure, but I know it gives me a feeling of being invincible and better able to tackle the world and all worries every day life includes. It makes me feel strong inside out cause a strong body starts with a mind of steel. I feel like an athlete without a sport, like a soldier without a war. It’s a mental thing. It’s constant training of mind and body for a battle that might never come, but if it does, you sure are prepared and ready to conquer.

All discussions about body ideals, what is good looking, what is healthy, what is not etc are quite pointless unless one is constantly reminded about the reasons for the ideals. Why do YOU strive for certain looks? And why do you get upset if what you find is attractive is not that healthy? is it cause the truth hurts? That being healthy and looking healthy don’t go 100% together? And if you choose to look great and be 90% healthy instead of looking decent in YOUR eyes (feeling crappy on inside cause you don’t look the way you want) and be 100% healthy?

I don’t know about you but I really don’t feel like it’s life quality if I’d have to walk around 10 lbs heavier cause it’s healthier for me since I’d feel out of shape! And yes I am not over weight, I am NORMAL weight, but I am still entitled to say how I feel. It’s a huge difference how I look if I am 115 or 125. I am 5′2 if you wonder. So I am not a tiny skinny little lady. I’m dense and muscular. Just don’t like that soft layer on top of my muscles that make me thick and uncut.

To finalize this ramble, I want to express my mission once again: to inspire people to go for their passion, follow their heart and never regret doing it.

I

Resisting temptations would be so easy if it wasn’t for the fact we don’t really want to resist. And the more you resist the more you want it, unless you trick your mind. I am not a mental doctor but I do believe the brain believes all you cannot have is utmost attractive and needed. So since the brain does want the best for you (well it THINKS so anyway) it will keep on trying to push you into eating things you love but don’t go hand in hand with your goals, will make you lazy so you don’t get yourself to the gym to work on that goal of having a great fit body.

When a craving hits, it can either come gradually or hit you like an earth quake. It’s like a thunder storm growing over the horizon, just waiting for an opportunity to start making a scene. Oh yeah and your brain knows how to find them, doesn’t he (yes brain for me is a he just like my body, the only thing that is me is ME lol).

If you are sad, food offers its open arms and wants you to just relax and enjoy it.

If you are tired your brain tells you to go for some nice cinnamon bun because it will make you happy right now.

If you are angry your brain knows how to calm you down: just stick a lollypop in your mouth and you turn into a happy camper.

So, let’s say you’re hit by a craving. And you intend to resist it. First it’s easy. You play with the thought a bit, think about what you would have… Then you stop thinking about it cause you realize it will damage your hard work. But hey, oh, brain has more aces up his sleeve: he might talk you into “this is the only time you can eat this week” or “Your metabolism will speed up” or “I will not do it again after this time” or “Let’s get it out of the system and start over tomorrow a lot stronger” or how about this one: “yeah buddy you need that refeed you’ve been reading about! You have just dieted three days? Well that’s THREE DAYS” says mr Brain. Shut that mother-fxxxer up.

A treat is a treat is a treat, but if you have goals that require a lot of discipline (like a six pack of abs) you just cannot treat yourself that often. You cannot treat yourself like other people can. Why? Cause you want to look way more cut than average people. Even though your mind is set on the goal you will bump into weak moments when you are just not that resilient. It’s natural. You’re a human being.

Scenario: you sitting on the couch reflecting back and forth if you should indulge or not. Pros and cons. No matter how you turn or twist it the reasons for NOT eating are always many more than the ones FOR eating, but then, the few that promote the “YES to BINGE” are super strong. Why? Cause you subconsciously want them to win. And why you want that? Cause if you eat you will sabotage for yourself and if you sabotage for yourself you can blame yourself why you don’t achieve your goals, which is something the brain actually likes: he doesn’t want you to succeed in this field cause if you can control your food intake, mr Brain thinks you are close to starvation. He doesn’t know you are not actually starving, he thinks you went crazy or something and he tries to help you survive. On another note, if you don’t succeed you can be safe and comfortable where you are at, you will not ever feel how the other “level” is and thus won’t be disappointed or ask more of yourself.

When you sit there on that couch you must remind yourself why you should not give in. It’s not because it’s “bad” to treat yourself per se, it’s because giving in to temptations when you have not planned it is counterproductive to being in charge of you and your life. If you condition mr Brain that if he keeps on pushing your buttons he will sooner rather than later win the game.  Add to this that YOU will condition yourself to accepting failure, to accept that you are weak minded and that’s why you cannot resist. THIS is the danger with not sticking to your beliefs and rules. The danger is you are making yourself your worst enemy.  You are conditioning yourself into expecting yourself to fail and that will start to color all areas in your life.

The trick is to buy yourself time. Promise mr Brain that he will get his way later this day. Then when it’s later this day, say “tomorrow”, and after that “next weekend”. Just procrastine! Now you won yourself time to “sober up” from mr Brain’s “love for food juice” and can start to reason with yourself why it’s best to follow your rules. Try to think about your competitors or role models. Do you think they would indulge? If yes, then you should be better about it. If not, well then don’t be a weaker person, follow the leader!

If you are still not “safe”, start writing down what you want to eat, then go to calorieking.com and type in the nutritional values so you see how much fat and calories and sugars you are going to get. Just imagine that each 400 calorie “treat” will mean another hour on the treadmill on top of the hours you already are spending on it. Hey, why not set up a tent ON the treadmill while we are at it!

Instead of romanticizing the foods you want but shouldn’t indulge in, romanticize how it feels to wake up the day after a “craving attack” and NOT having given in to it! You will feel stronger and relieved you made it. Now this is ONE first step to being able to say no no no no no time after time after time to foods your brain wants but YOU don’t want cause you are aware of the consequences. Also, remind yourself what all those treats do to people: it makes them gain weight. Do YOU want to gain weight? Fat weight? If not, why act like it’s exactly what you are working on….

Stop treating treats like good guys and treat them like traitors. Cause they are. They lead you on and act like friends, but then they bite you in the butt.

Every time you succeed to win over your brain you get stronger. Your discipline gets stronger. Your mindpower gets stronger. Now, if you can control such a huge instinct as is hunger/cravings, imagine what you can accomplish in the other areas of your life. Food for thought.

About time to focus on all you fitness newbies. I know there is plenty of information overflow, so much it paralyzes more than it helps. Which is why I decided to give 10 simple tips for those of you who are either new to weight training, new to effective fat loss nutrition, have lots of weight to lose or just very lost lol!

1. Even thought it’s tempting, do not adopt stricter and more extreme habits than your body requires. If you are used to eat a lot of regular all American foods like cereal, cheese, fast food, granola, candy etc, there is no need to jump from that to celery stalks and boiled tilapia! The chances you can stick to it are minimal and if you cannot stick to it you won’t be able to convince your body to burn fat.

2. New to exercise? Pace yourself! yes, you are physically capable of doing a good hour every day, but you shouldn’t go all out being a beginner. You will run risk of overusing your joints, strain muscles and burn out mentally from increasing stress too fast. training volume must be built up progressively over several weeks/months/years. When doing it too fast your body gets worried and tries to stop you. Yes, it’s cool you say “nothing can stop me”, but… try that when your knees are sore, your ankles hurt, your elbows too, your lower back is cramping and you are only thinking of food and sleeping!

3. Weight training burns calories because it burns muscle mass. Muscle mass costs calories for your body which body fat does not. You will never get too big from training with weights and eat a good, clean diet. If you are worried, take a look at the amount of weight used by those who are big and muscular use. And then ask how long they’ve been training. Now, compare to your own training history and what poundage YOU are using. I am sure it’s quite a lot less. So don’t worry, you won’t get big like the hulk unless you are a man, genetically super gifted and very very dedicated.

4. The key to a lean body is not “no carbs”. It’s all about what kind of carbs and WHEN. The easiest and healthiest way IMO is to cut out grains, starches and fruit and eat tons of vegetables. Vegetables are carbs. Very GOOD, carbs. Without carbs you won’t be able to train intensely, and intensely you need to train to shape your body.

5. When you train cardio you train your body to burn fat. The more intense training, the better effect on your fitness, but doing it too often can lead to over training. I am sure you’ve heard about the fatburning zone. I think it’s ridiculous. Lower intensity training is great when combined with more intense training or for total newbies, but to improve your cardio fitness you need to push it, just like in the weight department.

6. Olive oil, flax seed, nuts, sesame paste, avocados are all good sources of fat. They are healthy. However, they can not be eaten in excess cause they contain just as many calories as bad fat like fried foods and butter or cheese. Too much fat will give you a surplus of calories and halt your fat loss.

7. Eating several meals a day can be easily done by adopting the habit of adding protein shakes between meals. you don’t have to “EAT” or sit down at a table enjoying food every 3 hours to provide your body nutrition.

8. Vitamin supplements are pretty necessary unless you are eating a variety of fresh foods every day, not over cooking them and making sure you combine foods the right way for maximum absorption… Uhm, how many do that? exactly. get a good insurance, get a multivitamin supplement!

9. When you first start out training you might not lose much weight, but clothing will get looser and you feel tighter. This is due to you losing intramuscular fat and fat between skin and muscle but simultaneously adding muscle weight. Muscle weight goes up faster cause you retain more muscle inside the muscles. Do not focus on the scale, focus on how you look and feel.

10. having a trainer help you get the right form down is very important to prevent injuries and get decent muscle gains asap. Strength gains come fast in the beginning and when you use bad technique while being not that well conditioned you might end up injured sooner than later. Muscles grow faster than joints get used to the weight stimulus, so sometimes it’s better to pace yourself than overdo things.

1

A lifestyle of a machine or a warrior. It’s what I do, it’s what I’m condition to. It’s my love, my passion, my affair, my marriage. I love the discipline, the being held accountable, the control it requires, the consistency it needs. It gives comfort when needed and excitement when requested. And the best of all? it’s not run by emotions. I use my rationale, my decisions, my active taking a stand, doing and executing. I’m the boss, the chief, the one in charge and I control all aspects of my little monopoly game. Would anything come in to interfere, I’d be there throwing it out fast and without remorse. Any threat to the perfect itinerary is stopped in fetus form before having a chance to grow into something unbearable and attention-needing.

So, how does one approach an individual with this way of life? You don’t. You must be invited. And I can invite at times, but after a while I feel crowded, choked, panicking that I will be held accountable for, being trapped into some commitment I never desired to give. Even if it’s never the question or request, I get this feeling of being trapped, held, forced into some kind of new pattern with more than one master… And I just don’t play that game. I got my own game.

I’m a person filled with emotions and love, but it doesn’t easily get triggered. I believe I must have conditioned myself into thinking twice and analyzing what I sense. I trust my intuition and my instincts, but sometimes I try not to listen and I always regret it cause those notions are never wrong I’ve learned.

Sometimes I wonder what is it I am looking for. But then I’ve been granted exactly what I asked for and it still didn’t feel right. That’s where those emotions come into play. Why do they come and why don’t they?

Love and training have many things in common. You cannot just expect all to run automatic and like a machine. It takes passion. And sometimes you want to have it but don’t, some times it all runs smoothly…. The big problem I have with emotions is I cannot just call on them when I want to, say “hey let’s go!”, they don’t follow my rules, my command. They arrive when they want to. Which is not that often.

Do you know what I mean?

I thought I had banned the diseased Mondays in my life but when I the least expected it, Monday was there.  Brick by brick of my castle was falling out, guess the walls couldn’t hold for the winds of change. I should have made a backup. And a backup on the backup.

Felt like the whole world woke up to a pissed off shitty morning and who happened to be the target was me. Did I ask for extra burdens today? But then, who does… Cheated on, lied to, misled and betrayed. It was all there and all I could do was realize I was rewarded a challenge to kick me up, push me around in order to toughen up. Yes, I rather over-tough myself than over-soften myself. Once again, I wanted to slap my face for thinking the best of matters. It’s hard to stay open and non suspicious and unreserved when you constantly get fed the fact you never know who’s gonna stab you in the back. A poker face is what keeps you over the surface. As much as I wish it was the other way around, it’s not.

I had to go somewhere with all my angst and frustration. And I knew exactly where that was. To my love. To my love of my life. The weights. The barbells. The dumbbells. Heavy iron and just go at it. Nothing knows how to cheer me up better than the weights. They made me feel like the queen… It was like they talked to me “don’t worry Pauline, nothing can take this away”. I was strong. I picked up heavier than usual. It was light compared to the mental burdens I had to push around. So top heavy. I repped the 70’s in dumbbell rows and they were light. I did my normal heavy deadlifts and they were “light’. I even did pullups last in the workout after set after set after set after set and I did them.  When one set was over I instantly went to the next. I had no stop. I was aggressive. I had POWER. And I felt empowered that NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING can keep me away from my passion, from my love. And I know where to go to heal. I know where I am safe. I know who doesn’t ask for anything back. Who’s there just to let me hit, hit, hit and not hit back.

And I remembered one of my favorite shoots I did. In one picture, my absolute favorite, I am holding my arm out passionately over the weighted barbell, showing affection to what has raised me, trained me, made me what I am: the IRON. And I felt so much love and respect for the tools of a gym…. I knew they would be there forever, letting me be who I am for as long as I want. They’d always be there welcoming me, embracing me, not judging or ridiculing me. How lucky could I be I had this love and this passion. I got something so many would die for. An eternal companionship. A true friendship. Loyal, unconditional love. I fell in love the very first time I touched a barbell. And that love seems to stay around forever, in better and for worse, in sickness and health. Other love stories come and go… But me and the Iron are forever ONE.

The scale is good for a few things: weighing yourself if you have lots of weight to lose. Weighing pre and post carb refeeds to keep track on filling up and not. Weighing pre and post workout to replenish water. But more than that, unless your scale is a GOLD STANDARD one standing on a floor without ANY uneven surface, then that scale is not to trust!

I have a funny relationship to the scale. I use it so I don’t “suddenly gain weight” but that doesn’t make sense at all cause I don’t eat a bit too much or snack more than I’m supposed to or go on “eat all you can” saturday buffets. I also know that the scale doesn’t tell the whole truth. If I have more fiber in the stomach, if I am dehydrated, had a carb load, If I ate more salt than usual, if I am sick, If I have PMS, if I loaded on creatine, if I didn’t sleep well, if I had a food reaction etc etc, THEN the scale will not tell the truth either.

Now, I’m cool with all the parameters above mentioned, I take it into consideration and that’s why I take condition pics some times every day sometimes once a week, because the mirror doesn’t lie. If I see abs or the right amount of definition I require in order to be happy with my physique, then it doesn’t matter if I weigh 113 or 119.

Sometimes I’ve weighed myself and felt like I’m photo shoot ready…. Just to step on the scale and read a higher weight than I like. Stupid huh! And then other occasions I’m in for a well needed refeed, look ripped but then,…. the scale says I’m “fat” lol, so then no way I want to carb up! haha. Other times I feel smooth and soft and the scale says I weigh very little for being Pauline. Do I then want to refeed? Hell no! Not when I feel smooth and tiny!  So, as you can see, the only time I am super pleased is if:

1. the scale is at 113

2. I am tight and cut and ripped

3. I don’t feel skinny, just RIPPED.

How often do these three mandatory requirements land on the same day? Like once every blue moon!

So, back to what happened the other week and what has happened many times before in my life: I got angry. I got angry at myself for being so obnoxious! The reason is my scales have ALWAYS showed me 10 different readings every time I weigh myself. And I warn you, don’t re weigh yourself more than 2 times. It’s like blood pressure: check twice, but after that it won’t change;-).

My common sense says Hell NO can I trust a scale that shows 10 different things in a few minutes time frame. If I “rebalance it” on the floor, put in in another room, put another person on it and it still tells me 10 different weights. But then, every time I do the “gallon test” (weigh a gallon of water and it must be 3.89 kilos) of course it reads 100% accurate.

But since I don’t really care what the scale says anyway… Since I don’t trust it and don’t eat up when I’m too “light” or increase cardio when I’m a bit too heavy, why do I use it? Old habit! Stuck in my OLD “not trusting myself” habit. Which I threw out the window years ago!

I remember when I was a kid and weighed on the scale at home. I pushed with my hand on the wall so the scale read a lighter weight. Oh boy….talk about self denial! On the other hand I know girls that have their boyfriends push them down on the scale so they can take a picture of the scale showing a higher weight….(family worried FOR NO REASON, you know how families are and they have other values and ideals on what to look like and weigh. they usually find you underweight if you have no muffin top!)

I also remember myself at 13 years old and had to weigh in at the school nurse’s office: did I drink a gallon of water before that or what! Stupid, but still, true and I did.

So, the other day I just had it. I threw out that old “friend” because I don’t need “him”. He doesn’t do anything for me! I don’t even trust his advice you see!

From now on, I will trust myself like I always do. Without any uncalled for ‘reassurance’ from a drunk acting scale! No more talking out of the bottle there.

I go by LOOKS only. If I am not as lean as I want I know what to do. If I am feeling too skinny I know what to do. I will trust my eyes til they fall out. And after that trust my “FEELING my condition” which everyone who’s playing the lean and mean game knows how to play.

Good bye stupid scale!

It’s normal to be happy and unhappy and not even tempered all the time. Today I’m quite low. So I wrote it out

Trapped in a castle of consequences
no door leading out
I walk from corner to corner
searching
looking
for a stream of light
for a crack in the panel
none to be found

I try to hold on to my thoughts
keeping them locked up
I don’t even want to look in their eyes
I want to drown them, one by one

I wonder how my life turned into this stallion
uncontrolled, outrageous, fired up
constantly galloping away
from what must be nothing but me

I built my fort
Now, feels like a cage
I see people outside my window
wanting to be let in
I refuse, I escape
I Vanish, become gone
I hide , they turn around
and walk away