Maybe I love the pain or love to be in pain or love to be in charge of the pain and it’s not the physical pain it’s the mental pain that tries to stop you, halt you, inhibit you from reaching over your limit, going for your dreams and looking for more than what you ought to do, I thrive from feeling no, no, no but doing yes yes yes, and when my brain says it’s enough my instinct say we just got started and I love it, oh I love it when it’s me against me, nobody else, nobody tells me I gotta keep going, nobody says I have to keep going, but I, I, I want to, I have a point to make and I make it day in and day out because it’s what I do.

I’m perfecting my mind, I’m perfecting my will and I empower myself by doing what I set myself up to and never skip a step, procrastinate or wait another day. I know I’m a winner, I know I’m strong, I know I got it, I know what to do. I’ve trained my heart, I’ve trained my body, I’ve trained my mind to do what I say, not to listen to laziness or emotions or sensations. It’s me against the human nature.

I look in the mirror and I see the results of years of hours of hard work, dedication, patience. I remember the early days when I was nothing like this but I had a vision, I had a goal and I knew I just had to work every day like every day was the last chance I had to improve. I had a drive, a passion, oh I wanted to be the best, I wanted to be number one. And little by little I became what I wanted for myself. Number one for myself.

I am doing this because I am. It’s the discipline, the toughness, the warrior mentality, the outlook of a fighter that attracts me. I want to be all that. Settling is for weaklings, compromising is for those without faith. I’ve got faith, I’ve got hope, I’ve got a mission, a vision, I know what I want.

My body gives away the toughness of my mind. My body is my signature. My body is my proof that I am consistent, I am loyal, I’m sincere. And accountable.

I feel strong, I feel powerful, I feel energized, I feel sharp and focused. Nothing can come in my way. Training for me is not training my muscles. It’s training my mind. Strong mind, strong body. And strong one got to be to be all you want to be.

Some times I leave my body and see my life a little from above. Like if I was a bird. I see my daily regimen. Waking up. going to the gym. Eating.Thinking. training. writing. I see it all repeat over and over. And I cannot wonder what’s the driving force. What’s in this routine that keeps me wanting to keep it going? I analyze myself and what I’m up to, what am I trying to do with what I do.

Physical training is therapy for the soul. But what is being treated I wonder. What is it I feel needs to be worked on and worked on? Or is it just a drug I’m addicted to? The feelings, the sensations, the euphoria? Is it the brain wanting to repeat because It so loves the effects of it?

I wonder what makes someone stick to a routine. the desire to reach the goals? then what? What is there at the end of the marathon? It’s not like it’s gonna end!

I don’t see any other life than what I do. But I am curious what got me there. And what I was doing with my time before! Of course I know and I remember, but it’s like you get a revelation or epiphany and then it’s impossible to go back.

My motivation comes from within. There is a need to constantly improve, constantly work on something that will never be finished. It’s the only project I don’t want to see an end to as soon as possible just to get it done with. My deadline is not in life.

I don’t want the “house, kids, dogs and the driving kids to football practice”. I want my life to be about me. And everytime I remember that I actually are living my life just like I want it, I get chills. I get chills because I actually made it. Despite all obstacles.

Remember that a surface is just a surface. When you think you know something you don’t at all. Everyone has their story. What might look like a fairy tale is usually the opposite!

The perfect physique is cut, lean, athletic looking, plenty of muscle so you look powerful and strong. The perfect physique is a symmetry between strength, appearance, health and endurance.

The perfect physique never comes across as malnourished, weak, dehydrated.

Can you be too lean? Too shredded? Too ripped? Definately. If you look at a body and the vibe it gives off is anorexic, it most likely is. You see, there is a big, a huge difference between being underweight and ripped!

Underweight means you are skin and bone and of course a lot of muscle definition since you are working out. The definition is obtained because you have no body fat and not really much muscle either. How can I know? Because you weigh TOO LITTLE for your HEIGHT.

You don’t win a trophy because you got striations from head to toe unless you got enough muscle and happen to be in a bodybuilding competition.

There is nothing attractive with a dehydrated, drawn, hollow-eyed face. It’s usually what you get if you diet yourself down to skin and bone. And no, a little biceps volume is not a “proof” you are doing it all right.

My concept is NOT a starvation concept. Quite the opposite. It’s a concept to stay LEAN 365 days of the year while being physically and spiritually as healthy as possible.

You all know I always want to have abs, striations etc. But I don’t walk around trying to look like I’ve been in a concentration camp! Or like one of the Hollywood actresses, like Angelina Jolie, who look like walking dead ladies.

What I do is weight train. It’s supposed to ADD lean muscle weight to the body. The diet is to shed the unwanted body fat covering the muscle bellies. But, all muscle and no fat is NOT what you should strive for. Listen, it DOES NOT LOOK GOOD. It does not help your symmetry. It does not make you look HEALTHY. The illusion that a six pack and some striated shoulders are proof of fitness and health, yes it is an illusion, but what is NOT an illusion is that bone and skin and a bit muscle definition with a low weight is healthy. It never is.

The body fat adds symmetry to the body. It adds beauty. It is not to be nullified. A little enhances you! You ask me sometimes how I can look so healthy: because I AM!

I meet (in life and via email) a lot of training anorexics. They all say they want muscle. But they don’t really cause they are obsessed with having zero body fat. Do they look good? No. Will they be able to maintain it? Yeah, but with that getting fractured bones, hair loss, hormonal irregularities, heart dysfunctions etc etc. Is it worth it? Not at all. Who the heck wants to look like a skeleton? Only mentally sick people! And I am saying this with eating disorders in my baggage! I know the mindset!

There are soooo many people who are leaner, cutter, more shredded than I am. Am I jealous of them? No. Because what I strive for is perfection. Perfection is not extremes! Perfection is a symmetry, flow, a healthy strong appearance.

I see a lot of women in general who are soft and chubby one week then super lean and cut and muscular and pumped the next week. What happened? Well, I was bad, I thought they had let themselves go first with the puffy appearance…Until I realize they were just off the drugs! Horrible realization!

Usually, the body starts to down-regulate your metabolism if you go too far. if you are getting too skinny you won’t want to go to the gym, you will be tired. This is a safety system. But with extreme individuals there is a tendency to overdo things. Way too much. But for what reason? Too look like…bones?

I was never a fan of super shredded dehydrated bodybuilders. I still like the era of Arnold Schwarzenegger and the other dudes. And for women, I try to portray what I think is “perfection”. It’s “perfection” not taken to extremes unnaturally. If I were on antidiuretics, steroids, you name it, sure, I’d be waay leaner. But it’s not even what I want!

The human body is supposed to be in water balance. You can see it in my physique: it’s clearly never dehydrated, there is always a layer between the muscle and skin even though some days I can look very very ripped due to a “good day”. However, it’s a sign of being a drug free athlete/model. You see the same thing in most of the naturals. We never get as dry as those who usually are “on” something you don’t find at Vitamin Shoppe.

I remember I used to hate my body for always carrying a bit water until I realized that it made me look less drawn and malnourished than most people do when they are very lean. It made me look healthy. I also remember a female figure competitor a few years ago. She asked if I wanted some diuretics. I said “no thank you”, just to witness her drinking water like there was no tomorrow while peeing constantly, then got up onstage extremely dehydrated ripped. Did she win? No. Not even in the top 10. Was she shredded? Oh yes. I would not want to be her two kidneys for sure!

This makes me wonder about all those extremely “dry looking” extreme individuals at gyms. Are you all on antidiuretics? Or am I just too used to what’s going on in the bodybuilding and fitness community?

Another horrible wake up call was the other day when I happened to surf in on an old client’s facebook page. I couldn’t believe what I saw. Her face used to be so pretty, now showing those typical “drawn lines” in the face that you DO NOT GET UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN IN CONCENTRATION CAMP or on drugs. Someone wrote “you were so pretty on stage!!” and I wanted to write to her “what the hell did you DO! Stop it, you look like a drug user!” but of course I didn’t, it was not my business. I saw pics from her show too…She was NOT that lean and her body was NOT that good looking at all. But she got ripped. Oh yes, ripped she got….

The whole idea with this long ramble is to remind you what FIGHTER DIET is all about. It’s NOT to be skin and bones. It’s to look athletic, be athletic and feel fantastic. And realize that obtaining that might need extra work, but no way does it need DRUGS!!!!

The feeling of being a victim. I hate it. But why. Why, why, why, just for once, why cannot I be given some slack. Every morning waking up and hoping today will be the day and then I don’t even want to start the day because I know it’s not my day. I get paralyzed. I just want to lie down and shut everything and everyone out, shut the brain off and wake up to a new day and hope this will be a day of miracles. My feet are dragging, all I want, all I need to keep going is just a light in the tunnel. Just a little encouraging light in the tunnel. And I don’t want to keep my head up, I don’t want to stay strong, I don’t want to keep pushing, I don’t want to keep smiling, I don’t want, I don’t want, I DO NOT WANT. It’s not fair! It’s NOT fair! I work harder than most and what do I get?

And I thought it was going to be better, I did not see it was gonna get worse! It’s ridiculous. It’s a catch 22. And whatever I do, I know there is just one way to do it. But it drives me crazy too. I don’t have average standards. Come on, I know who I am and what I want. I get angry. Why do I pick everyone else up and nobody picks up me! Why do I have to be the tough one, the one leading the stream, why, why, WHY do I have to be patient, not get frustrated, why, why why!

I remember what I want, my goals, my mission. yeah, I know, I have all rights in the world to do what other people do: stop, feel sorry for myself, reevaluate. “Is what I do really fair to ask of myself?” I hear that lazy voice in my head. And I get even more angry. Hell yeah. Who the heck am I talking to here? And I get even more angry, yeah, I get damn freaking pissed off! What? Pauline, I cannot hear you, you pussy? You speaking to me? HUH? yell louder lazy mother fxxxer, I CAN’T HEAAAAAR YOU!!!!!

And I wake up from my little crying. I gotta do this. I gotta toughen up MORE. I need to get over humanly strong. Mind. Over.Matter.

Why? Because I want more than most, I want better than half good, I want to be the best, I want to lead, I want to be remembered for this, I want to be damn stronger than anyone else. Can I quit? Hell no! There is no solution! There is just one way to do it and I know it! No tears will help! I say it’s not fair? Wow, PAULINE, did you ask for “fair”? Let me show you what is NOT fair.

I set this up for myself. I chose this myself. It was not gonna get easier. But I am a warrior. I not a quitter. I can do this. I can DO this. And why do I have to work so damn harder than anyone else? BECAUSE I DO NOT DO SHORT CUTS. I DO NOT CHOOSE SHORT CUTS. So, there you go, I chose the unfairness myself!!!! And I know it. And I get damn pissed I sometimes get frustrated, Like that’s gonna help! Hell no! There is just one way to do it: push harder. Push longer. Do it more. More. More. Over and over and never surrender. Sooner or later I’ll win. because that’s the way I do things. So deal with it.

People stop themselves from achieving their fitness goals due to forgetting one of the big components needed to get to the goals; TIME. I wonder if it’s because we live in this instant download/instant gratification society? Well, reality check: it will take way longer than you want to achieve your highest goals. And the fastest way to get there is to stop planning and just start doing. One day at a time. Stop thinking about what to do in three months from now, I know you want your perfect plan, your workout split set in stone etc, but your body does not function as a company you can run with deadlines, time frames like a short term project. Getting a killer physique takes commitment, dedication, patience and TIME. You forget one of them and you should look for another hobby.

There are no secret formulas to get the perfect body. No workout plan, no supplement, no perfect diet. There are many programs/styles/concept that work. They might work forever for you and they might not.

There is no ONE supplement that makes or breaks you. It’s not like “oh I cannot reach this or that because I cannot afford creatine” or what have you. No supplement has such a dramatic effect it cannot be done without them. Diet here is key!

No diet concept is perfect. You either have to walk around hungry, have little energy, not getting lean enough, not getting your cravings met, not giving you enough EFAs etc etc. By the way do you know of ANY perfect things in the world? I don’t!

The key to a perfect physique is training and training and repeating and repeating. Stop looking for a perfect move, a perfect rep range. You won’t see difference unless you are consistent anyway so stop obsessing, it paralyzes your actions.

My whole adult life I’ve been hovering around my magic 116.6 lbs. I’ve looked different at that weight from the early days til now, I’ve weighed more and I’ve weighed less, but more or less, it’s been on this special 116.6 for most of the time.  This is where I end up when my body approves a little and I don’t fight to max. Yes, it takes a lot of hard work to even stay at this weight especially since every year I gained a little more muscle and lost a little more fat.

I remember when I first started competing. I weighed 121 off season and then hit the sweet plateau at, guess what weight? 116.6. I was so well aware of my constant struggle with losing fat because at that time in my career I did not know what it meant to do a lot of work. I thought I did! But I was young and more naive, did what I thought was reasonable. of course I was stuck at 116.6 for weeks.

When I moved to America my body temperature increased from a low 96.8 degrees to 98 degrees. It indicates a higher metabolic rate. What happened which caused my body to boost my calorie burning rate? I know: I stopped having cheat days! And I started doing more intense cardio instead of just walking and walking and doing a few interval sessions a week. Add that to the fact I was so much happier in the country of my dreams.  That has an effect too, gets you in a better mood.

Some times, like now, I forget about my plateau. I wonder why I am hovering around at 116.6 until I remember “oh, it’s my sticking point”.

Well, about that. You can either choose to do the work needed to get to where you want OR you can reevaluate your goals and settle for less or for something else. For me, the work is never too much. Yeah, some days of course I feel it’s ridiculous. But then, what is there to do: stop? Well, I’m not OK with not feeling and looking the way I want. I KNOW what I like and where I feel the best and I keep on fighting to stay there.

There is a reason why it’s the norm to do a show and then have an off season to relax a bit. It’s less tough. Being lean 365 days a year means constant watching yourself, constant being on your toes, constant outsmarting your body.

I remember one time I talked to a so called specialist in nutrition about my constant strive for extreme leanness. He said “oh your body must run like a super efficient sports car now!” meaning I should burn LOTS of more calories etc. What? Did he miss something? It does not work that way! It does if you go from soft to pretty lean, but from pretty lean to SHREDDED, that’s not a zone your body loves being in and it will always try to soften up.

We all have our different genetic makeups. I have mine which is I build muscle without killing myself but I also have a hard time getting lean. What you see is a product of years of chronic dieting and extreme training regimen.

I get questions about what I ate to look a certain way and the person asking points at a picture from some pro show I did years ago for instance. Get it, it does not take “one round of dieting” to achieve a certain appearance, it takes LONG time of consistency. And just because you will eat 100% the way some professional athlete eats you won’t look the same anyway!

I am all for ‘accepting’ one self.  I think most people are happiest if they accept their flaws, exercise for the health reasons only and to stay at a normal weight. But to me, no way am I gonna accept what my body wants for me or settle for the kind of body my genes are designed to bring to the table.

What is too much training when you are training for looks? Who sets the limit? What is outrageous? Well, for me, doing atleast 90 min cardio, split in two sessions and added weight training is NEEDED for me to get down to under 115 lbs. When I hit 115 I can usually cruise by cutting it in half for a few weeks or so. Then I can see myself gaining again, especially my legs fill up, and it’s due to extra rest I am 100% sure of because I don’t eat to gain weight.

I get pretty tired of people who want extreme results making moderate efforts. You wonder why nothing’s happening? Well, I think you answered your question yourself. If your body is not doing for you what you want it to do: do a reality check. How much are you doing really? How exact? How meticulous? And most importantly how consistently are you doing all that?

“For what am I doing this again?” I some times hear myself asking when I forget why I work out so hard.  Some workouts are chores and nothing but “gotta-dos”.  I was never one of those who love the actual hanging out working out at the gym. I want to get in, get out and be done.

Some days I feel exhausted and ask myself if I should take the day off, just stay home. Once upon a time I used to do that now and then but I grew out of it. I got more and more hooked on principles and staying committed. So now, when I want to be a slacker I tell myself “well, it’s not gonna be easier tomorrow, will you skip then too? And if so, what stops you from skipping the day after that too…?” This stops my slacker style in a second and I go do what I set up for myself.

Whoever says that every workout is FUN FUN FUN has either never trained hard and simultaneously dieted as hard or he or she are just not that lean yet. Cause getting lean and staying lean means hitting the weights and the cardio machines HARD. Over and over and over again. But when you hit a plateau, you don’t follow the protocols of regular performance oriented competitive athletes which is taking some rest and recover, Nooooo, you need to dig deeper and keep at it! Why? Because you are working on getting through a plateau! You are fighting for shedding another millimeter off the skinfold caliper or you want sharper cuts in your abs every day, not just on a “good day”. Yeah you want a sixpack even on your “fat days”. That takes dedication people.

There is one big flaw with working out: during many of the “gotta-dos” you feel totally drained, dragging your feet, you are too tired to even listen to music or engage in any distractive reading. But then, when the time is up, suddenly you get that high from endorphins you needed BEFORE the damn workout, not after! Now you feel all cocky, could almost go for a second round. Right?…;-)

It’s a skill being shredded and muscular all the time because it’s an never ending marathon. You will need to keep going when yo hit the wall, you need to keep up the pace half way through when you just want to sit down. During a marathon you need to stay focused on every step, knowing that every step leads you closer to the goal. Stepping off the track will not get you where you want to be.

When you want to be very lean and it’s not in your genes to be so, or your discipline is less than perfect, you need to be OK with feeling run down, worn out from time to time. If you don’t feel it, and you wonder why you are not leaner than you are, guess what: your body does not feel it’s needed to shed more fat yet! You gotta dig deeper.

“I want to build bigger shoulders, what do you have for me”

“Well, how are you doing your presses?”

client shows the presses

“OK, let’s change it up a bit because with that short range of motion, you sitting on an incline bench and your lack of locking out in the top really stops your shoulders from growing imo”

“I was taught not to go that far down because it can stretch the ligaments”

“Sure, but think about this for a second: what if you build more and more strength in the delts in a short range of motion, what do you think will happen when you one day go a little bit deeper for once either by choice or accident? You’ll strain the ligaments since they are not used to full range of motion!”

“ok, I see.”

Client does a few sets I think are warmup sets and then gets ready to move on”

“Hey, what are you doing there…. we are not done! You have several sets to go!”

“But I just did them!”

“No you didn’t, that was WARM UP sets. You cannot do ONE set only with the work weight dumbbells!”

“Well, duh, sure I can: dorian yates used to do one set only”

“Listen…. Are your dumbbells the size of the dumbbells one of the greatest bodybuilders of all time used to press? Not really huh? Not even 25%?”

“K, but I don’t think it’s good to do 3 reps with a pair of heavy dumbbells, I mean I don’t care for strength”

“Oh, you don’t care for strength? So if you get stronger with heavier loads you don’t believe it will benefit you with dumbbells closer to what you can handle? You don’t think lifting very heavy makes you being capable of lifting more overall? You don’t believe in training the very strongest muscle fibers that don’t respond to high repping or moderate weight?”

“Well, I’ve grown pretty good so far doing that”

“Yes but now you turned to me with the fact you are stuck and cannot grow beyond your so called genetic limitations, right?”

“Yeah true… but what If I just cannot do more? I’ve really pushed hard!”

“No, no, no. You have not even tried yet! What you do right now is staying in your comfort zone. You are doing what you think is your limit and that’s it. When your body says “ok, let’s wrap” you are supposed to say ‘OH NO old pony we’re going for the RIDE one more time and then one more!!!”

You say you want to be the best, you don’t think you need to train like one? You think the best became the best by not pushing beyond their limits?”

“Ok, but I don’t want to get injured, I want to be safe”

“That’s great, really. But being better than anyone else takes more than playing it safe. It means walking a fine line between doing and overdoing. You need to walk that line pretty much all the time! You don’t get to become the best by playing safe, it comes from doing more and doing it better than anyone else”

“I am just worried about over training”

“yeah, that is so over used nowadays. Show up three times a week at the gym and more than that, you are over training! Guess it gotta have been the lazy fat asses who made that a slogan, because Ive never heard it from anyone who is on the top of their game. Have you”

“No”.

“Ok, case closed. let’s do it”.