I hate shopping dresses. I get anxiety attack from just thinking I have to get something to wear. The battle is already lost because the items in the stores were not meant to fit a body like mine. They were made for skinny people or skinny fat people. I try them on and they don’t fit. Too big, too skimpy, too slutty. And with the muscles comes attention and attention I don’t want when wearing something nice to go out. In the “go out outfit” I want to be slender and petite and not look like a gladiator! So, suddenly I am in the same category as obese people: I have to cover up, dress to slim down! How did this happen?
I get so frustrated, I am not one of those fitness or bodybuilder chicks who love to show off muscles in small tiny outfits when they go party. I want to blend. I want to look “normal” or average. But, hm, nope, won’t happen, these guns, these shoulders take too much space. They say “HEY LOOK AT US!!!!”.
It’s unfair! I am petite, I am a pretty normal size woman for my height, but it is all dense muscle so it looks big.
I tried on a dress today….And I could not look in the mirror, I felt like a drag queen! I felt like a cartoon or some weirdo who is into S&M! Because muscle AND dress don’t mix very well for me. I feel out of place. So it sucks.
And I know all of you who like muscle think “oh you look great!” but remember it is all about how YOU feel about yourself. I want to feel PROUD and feel like I look good in nice attire for nights out, but I don’ t at the moment. It’s halloween for ME. yeah I am dressing up with a costume!!
This took my energy, man I don’t want to go workout. It’s even deadlift day but no, don’t want to go. And all the stress made me balloon up, I am feeling all watery and fat. Thanks. I needed that! GGGRRR, I am pissed.
Nowadays too I act like a “starving model” most days. I go too long between meals, I skip protein shakes, you name it, because in some way my body just grows anyway. I thought I could overtrain it, but nah, does not seem like that will kill muscle gain. About two years ago I did not feel comfortable in dresses. I was 117 at that time. Now I am 121 and oh, guess who is even more uncomfortable?
I love my muscles in every day life I don’t want them to be gone, BUT they are a pain in the butt too some times. Like now. When I want to blend in, be small and petite and slender…. Why do I want this you may wonder? Well, I don’t know? Because my brain is brainwashed with what a female body SHOULD look like in a dress? Yeah it sucks, I wish I could stop having those conventional images….
The only way I would reach that little 115 lbs body is by not working out. And that won’t happen. I am smart enough to GET I need to work on my attitude and self-image instead. I was not genetically designed to be a tiny little sparrow ad then I chose bodybuilding too as a hobby turned into profession…So what did I expect: turning into one? LOL MAN some days I wonder what I am thinking! I got what I wanted, I got what I worked so hard for, why cannot I then enjoy it now?