I hate shopping dresses. I get anxiety attack from just thinking I have to get something to wear. The battle is already lost because the items in the stores were not meant to fit a body like mine. They were made for skinny people or skinny fat people.  I try them on and they don’t fit. Too big, too skimpy, too slutty. And with the muscles comes attention and attention I don’t want when wearing something nice to go out. In the “go out outfit” I want to be slender and petite and not look like a gladiator! So, suddenly I am in the same category as obese people: I have to cover up, dress to slim down! How did this happen?

I get so frustrated, I am not one of those fitness or bodybuilder chicks who love to show off muscles in small tiny outfits when they go party. I want to blend. I want to look “normal” or average. But, hm, nope, won’t happen, these guns, these shoulders take too much space. They say “HEY LOOK AT US!!!!”.

It’s unfair! I am petite, I am a pretty normal size woman for my height, but it is all dense muscle so it looks big.

I tried on a dress today….And I could not look in the mirror, I felt like a drag queen! I felt like a cartoon or some weirdo who is into S&M! Because muscle AND dress don’t mix very well for me. I feel out of place. So it sucks.

And I know all of you who like muscle think “oh you look great!” but remember it is all about how YOU feel about yourself. I want to feel PROUD and feel like I look good in nice attire for nights out, but I don’ t at the moment. It’s halloween for ME. yeah I am dressing up with a costume!!

This took my energy, man I don’t want to go workout. It’s even deadlift day but no, don’t want to go. And all the stress made me balloon up, I am feeling all watery and fat. Thanks. I needed that! GGGRRR, I am pissed.

Nowadays too I act like a “starving model” most days. I go too long between meals, I skip protein shakes, you name it, because in some way my body just grows anyway. I thought I could overtrain it, but nah, does not seem like that will kill muscle gain. About two years ago I did not feel comfortable in dresses. I was 117 at that time. Now I am 121 and oh, guess who is even more uncomfortable?

I love my muscles in every day life I don’t want them to be gone, BUT they are a pain in the butt too some times. Like now. When I want to blend in, be small and petite and slender…. Why do I want this you may wonder? Well, I don’t know? Because my brain is brainwashed with what a female body SHOULD look like in a dress? Yeah it sucks, I wish I could stop having those conventional images….

The only way I would reach that little 115 lbs body is by not working out. And that won’t happen. I am smart enough to GET I need to work on my attitude and self-image instead. I was not genetically designed to be a tiny little sparrow ad then I chose bodybuilding too as a hobby turned into profession…So what did I expect: turning into one? LOL MAN some days I wonder what I am thinking! I got what I wanted, I got what I worked so hard for, why cannot I then enjoy it now?

It does not matter how much knowledge you have about dieting, metabolism, training, physiology or stress management if you simply get lost when it comes to applying your knowledge. Who cares you know this and that but you fail at putting that knowledge into DOING? I don’t know how it got that way, but how come we have so many know-it-all-ers and besserwissers who apparently found the fountain of wisdom, yet they seem to practice more of the opposite to what they know they are supposed to do?… Because it is so easy to TALK. It is so easy to comment on what others should do or shouldn’t do, but then oh, when it comes to themselves hm….what? who? me? Wait, did I say something about me?…

I detest systems. I detest cookie cutters. I refuse to follow some programs and I don’t like pre made regimens. I’ve never followed a planned workout to the T because there is always something I find works better or feels better. I trust my intuition because I know myself and I don’t change out of laziness or convenience.

When I do cardio for instance I may tell myself I only have to push to a certain level for ONE time only. Well, that happens to be a lie right up my face every time. But it works. I always go for another. And another.

Yes, there are systems of training, so called proven programs, set standards, rules, but you know what? nothing is written in stone. There is nothing that works for everyone. And just because you can endure the same workout as some elite athlete does not make you one! Who cares you are as strong as Ronnie Coleman if you are not Ronnie Coleman?

I very seldom answer questions about my strength and what I curl, press, lift, row. It’s not important! You don’t know what range of motion I use, you don’t know when in my workout I do a movement, you have no idea if I cheat or not, you don’t know what my strength would be if I were heavier. I just detest comparing! Don’t. Compare yourself to YOU. YOU and nobody else is the important person in your life. So keep your focus where it should be; on YOU.

Realizing and accepting the obvious truth can be quite tough when it’s regarding a price you pay for something you have a desire to accomplish or obtain. The “lean all the time” lifestyle requires constant discipline… It’s not a get in shape for a photo shoot or fitness show and then have that all-you-can eat feast afterwards. It’s a getting lean first and then never get fat again kind of never ending situation. And when there is no definite end to the practice of discipline and dedication, how do you stay motivated and follow through?

How do you accept that eating “whatever you want and as much as you want” will more or less never be an option for you unless you lower your expectations of what you want to achieve with your fitness ambitions. It just does not work that way. I know it sucks, but take one day at a time! We are all very emotionally hungry some times, but there are way more days when it’s worth having that patience and dedication…

My best tip for how to de-dramatize food and make it less stressful is to give your mission a higher purpose. You are not only doing it to look a certain way…I am sure you have other motives or opinions that makes the whole process and lifestyle clearer and easier on you.

Remembering that whatever food you crave will only be for a few minutes is another very good reminder. How much is that worth for you? How much do you need to feel that?

There is another “trick” too: there are no forbidden foods, just bad times to eat them! you CAN eat whatever you want as long as you are moderate with your servings and don’t abuse it with “I deserve this”. If you can learn how to apply moderation your life will be way easier.

I’ve never done yoga, I was never a ballerina and not a gymnast either. But I did understand early that stretching was needed not to be flexible for the sake of it but in order to stimulate more muscle.

Flexibility equals better range of motion. Better range of motion equals better muscle activation. More muscle activation leads to more muscle stimulation. More stimulation means more adaptation. Greater adaptation, bigger gains. Bigger gains, denser muscle. Denser Muscle, leaner look.

Tight muscle faschia (the “wrapa” around muscles that attach them to the joints) means the muscle inside it cannot “breathe”, it gets crowded there. How are you going to make it grow if there physically is no space to grow?

When you stretch you increase the range of motion you can train with. Greater range of motion means your joints are not restricted by tightness. Being restricted in movements means you have less options how to stimulate your muscle growth in the gym without getting injured. Let’s say your leg muscles are so tight you can only go so deep with squats. What people most likely do then is to move over to the easier smith machine squat or leg presses because there they can use more range of motion. This does not solve the problem, it makes you compensate and the whole problem gets even worse.

You cannot just expect to be able to throw around big weights and get a good response by using a kind of short range of motion. Even though you are using bigger weights, it does not matter.

Take squats again as an example. I always work on my range of motion because it is very easy to get excited about lifting more and more weight and suddenly you end up doing quarter squats with hundreds of pounds. Well, that is not impressive! Not to me anymore. Who cares how much you can squat if you do the movement 25%?….. It’s in the BOTTOM you feel why the squat is considered the king of exercises. It’s in the bottom you BUILD your bottom!

A lot of exercises can only be done safely if you have the flexibilty to start with. When you lack that you compensate and bring in other stronger muscles and tweak angles etc until your joints get angry. And thus follows injury.

I understand stretching is neglected by fitness junkies because it is not directly muscle stimulating. However, it can help you stay clear of injuries. And THAT is the key to a perfect physique: you need to stay healthy in order to work out! How the heck will you be able to do that if you get injured? And would you step up to the plate and say “yeah, I missed my best chances to reach my goals because I was too lazy to take care of some of the basics to support my body, so here I am all messed up and tight like a rubber band and yeah that sucks. So now I’ll eat pizza.”  LOL

Speaking of pizza, for you who saw my training dvd back from 2004, did you realize I never ate that pizza? HA, no way, I had photo shoots coming up and that was just for the camera! FOOLED YA!

It may be one of the more extreme diet concepts out there I am sure, but extreme does not mean it is not a healthy option.

There is a reason why I include the different foods in the concept.  I believe in preventing sickness and disease with nutrition and an important part of it is to reduce inflammation caused by our lifestyle, training, stress, diet, environmental pollution, and another part is to keep your body clean from the inside out! I am not talking about those colon flushes, hell no, I don’t think it’s the way to go…. With plenty of vegetables and soluble fiber like wheat bran for instance you can rest assure you will get a good cleanse every day lol…

Here are some of my motivations behind why these foods made it into my FD concept:

• Wheat bran is considered a detoxifier since it binds to minerals, so for an example mercury will get carried out the natural way instead of sitting around in your system.
• mustard contains turmeric. Turmeric is considered an anti-cancerous herb.
• Cabbage and broccoli help the liver detoxify the body.
• Greek yoghurt has bacteraia good for the gut.
• Oatmeal contains soluble fiber known to lower blood pressure
• Whey protein contains the anti oxidant glutathione which helps the liver recuperate and it prevents inflammation
• pistacbio nuts contain the same kind of good fat as olive oil, but they taste better than drinking oil:-).
• Cocoa powder increases dopamin in the brain making you feel better and happier. chocolate effect there you go.
• shirataki noodles increase your fiber intake a lot and keeps you full.
• Pink salmon contains some fats, it’s a pretty good choice of fish when it comes to the risks of mercury contamination and BPA contamination.
• The focus on as little meat as possible is great for the environment, for your cholesterol levels and to keep your body out of too much inflammation.

So there you go, some reasons why I include the food items I do…..

Wondered what fish is safe to eat? And what about the water you drink? I talked to one of the know-it-all about the planet and how we should save it….

In the fitness community eating lots of protein is common practice. We eat tuna, chicken, protein powders, eggs, you name it we eat it if it helps in building muscle. Now, there is so much talk about mercury poisoning and especially from eating tuna, mackerel, swordfish etc… How bad is this? And what kind of fish has the highest readings? What fish are really the worst to consume? What do you consider is a healthy amount to eat per week?

Thomas Kostigen:

When it comes to fish, size matters. The bigger the fish, the older the fish, and the longer it has swum around likely ingesting mercury (which in many cases derives from man-made pollution). So go with small fish if you have to have your seafood. Sardines and the like (herring) are great choices. Again, everything has its limits and the onus is really on the consumer to figure which fish are best to eat without danger of high mercury levels.The Center for Disease Control (cdc.gov) actually has a map that shows where mercury levels are known to be highest. Check that out.

When it comes to the environmental effect tuna fishing has, can you tell me what the biggest issues in the fishing industry are as of now? What are the biggest concerns?

Thomas Kostigen:

The biggest concerns about tuna, like other big fish, is overfishing. Commercial fishing nets can stretch 90 miles long (and that isn’t a typo) capturing tons–literally–of fish and wiping out entire communities. Ninety percent of the big fish on Earth are gone due to overfishing and exploitation and about 40% of the world’s fisheries need a break. In other words, they need time to replenish. In a nutshell (or should I say clam shell) we need to give fish time to re-populate.

If I want to eat well for the environment but yet build as much muscle as possible, what protein sources do you recommend?

Thomas Kostigen:

Just as with fish, you want to go low on the food chain. For protein that means root vegetables and nuts. The more care anything that is produced needs, the more water, fertilizer, energy, etc, etc it takes. Flax is an amazing choice for protein that is often overlooked. And it’s cheap too!

Is there really a difference between organically raised fish and regular farm raised?

Thomas Kostigen:

Put a bunch of fish in aquarium and leave ‘em be. Feed them and wait a couple of days. Don’t clean the tank. By day three you probably won’t be able to see the fish anymore because the water will be so dirty. That’s a fish farm. Organic farms manage the fish food and effluent — what goes in and what comes out. Which would you rather eat?

What are the best fish to eat for health and for the environment?

Thomas Kostigen:

That depends on location and practice. Where did the fish come from and how were they caught or raised? There are a few great seafood certifications (Seafood Alliance is one) and they have web sites where you can find the best fish to eat. Or for specific issues go to one of my favorite sites–the Environmental Working Group www.ewg.org.

What is your take on fitness junkies super intake of water? Is it time to restrict our drinking water consumption? I get thirsty just thinking about it!

Thomas Kostigen:

An unsung problem in the fitness industry is overhydrating (hyponatremia)  or water intoxication. In runners it can account for up to 10% of illness. At the gym, it isn’t as much of an issue. Although I personally see a lot of people downing bottles of water while pedaling a stationary bike like grandma and talking on their cell phones. They ain’t even sweating…

Is protein powders a good source of protein from an environmental standpoint?

Thomas Kostigen:

The problem with powders of any type or dry food for that matter, is that it usually has the water sucked out of it. Then there is the process and mixing. None of this is natural, of course. Then what do you have to do when you get the powder? Put liquid back in. More natural resources used. Never a good thing.

I heard that those sigg bottles were contaminated… Is that true? Do I get poison from them even though they were supposed to be safe?

Thomas Kostigen:

Ah! Big issue! Like most things, contamination and illness are difficult to prove. But yes, sigg had an issue with the plastic lining in some of their bottles; they had the potential to leach. Sigg recalled a bunch. Check out healthychildhealthyworld healthychild.org for updates.

What kind of foods are best to eat to save the planet?

Thomas Kostigen:

The best type of food to eat are those you can grow in your backyard. Seriously. The easier foods to grow, the better. So think tomatoes, beans, roughage–those types of things that don’t need a big artificial helping hand from mankind.

What do you think of Fighter Diet as a good diet concept to be kind to the planet? (almost no grains, veggies and not much meat at all).

Thomas Kostigen:

I really like the name. It could even be construed as a “fight” to save the planet. No meat is the big thing. If we could curb our meat diets around the world, we’d stave most of the environmental problems we are faced with today, including global warming.

Thanks Thomas for your time. Where do people read more about you and what you do?

Thomas Kostigen:

www.readyouarehere.com

I feel like I’m a parrot. I repeat and repeat the same lines over and over because every day there is someone new who just did not read the old posts or did not take the time to research not even a little bit before asking and since I have a short temper and yeah I can be really short tempered I get a little snappy. I try to calm down, take a deep breath and remember ” PAULINE, THESE PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW YOU ALREADY COMMENTED OR WROTE ABOUT IT, DO NOT GET ANGRY OR PISSED”… lol…. I try to be good and understanding, but MAN some days I just cannot keep it down! I got to yell it out so here you go:

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies… You say you want to be super lean but then you get concerned with not getting your period and why your bodies are rebelling. Well, your bodies are NOT the bad guys here: evolution is! Women are supposed to have a lot more fat around our thighs, glutes, lower abs and hips because it insulates the ovaries, it also enables you to get pregnant and bring a child to the world since you can supply the calories the process needs. When you train hard to get lean your body fat decreases. Your whole body says NO to pregnancy. The brain tells your ovaries to stop producing that exact amount of hormones which are needed for the menstrual cycle.

So, what to do then? well, ignoring it and not do anything about it because you want your six pack is really naive and not thinking about the future consequences. You want osteoporosis? No? well you will get it most likely if your body does not get enough estrogen. You cannot eat more calcium to compensate either: the calcium needs estrogen as a carrier. And vitamin D is stored in body fat so with less body fat you get a smaller storage of vitamin D which is needed for bone health.

INSTEAD you need to SUPPLEMENT with a substitute, giving the body what it does not produce enough of due to your lifestyle choice. It is called combined birth control pills! Do they make you fat? No. You cannot get fat from not eating fat. Do they make it harder to lose fat? yeah they can do that, but harder does not mean impossible.  Do they screw with your water balance causing you to bind more water? yeah because estrogen has that capacity to increase water retention. However, when your body fat is low enough it won’t be like you look fat anyway. Do you think I look bloated? i don’t think so…. but I am on combined birth control to protect my bones because no I am not a superwoman who ovulate with 7% bodyfat!

I do not have a period and the only reason for me to want to have that is if I wanted kids and needed to ovulate. And I don’t. For you who are planning to get kids, when you increase body fat and decrease training your period comes back.

For those who say “oh but I do get my periods even when I am shredded!” you are either referring to the pill-period as a true period which is not OR you store all your fat in your thighs and have a sixpack anyway which means your total body fat may be totally normal and average so you keep your period.

So, I hope you got some more info now. Once again…

My body is my temple because it’s the castle for my soul. When I take care of the walls and the insulation my mind and my inner life is revitalized, refreshed, reincarnated. In the gym I tear it down and then I leave the damaged muscles to my thai massage lady. She steps on me, sinks her toes into my adductors, stands on my IT-band and I so want to tap out say NO NO, I cannot take it, but do I? No, I repeat in my head “this will make me stay free of injury, this will make my muscles whole” and I feel like a tractor is rolling up and down way too slow and I can only leave my body for a while and try to stop feeling my body. Every muscle screams for mercy, says “PAULINE, HELP!!!!!!!!” and I cannot stop wondering if this is really good for me and I know it is and that is why I go there almost every day… I spend a lot of money on it, yes it is expensive, but what would I do with a torn down body? I refuse to feel pain in the gym so what it takes is stretching and lots of deep tissue work. Frequently. It’s all about preventive care, not crisis management. You go BEFORE you get problem and then you maintain it. My goal is to be able to have that thai massage angel lady walk on me and dig her feet and elbows into every angry muscle belly until my pain threshold surrenders and my brain stops interpreting it as  pain.

I even warm up for my massage. Yup, I foam roll myself and poke around to check what is hurting, then I do the first layer of tightness and pain myself first. That way I get a deeper massage that I can endure. It’s like when you sit in a roller coaster and it starts to go up the hill. You then regret going for it and start to panic. No no no, why????? you ask yourself. So the massage feels for me…. I cannot comprehend I put myself through that. And the whole massage studio thinks I am in pain all the time…. lol, which is not the case because I go there to take it away from my body. it’s healing. Intense healing.

Sometimes I wonder if I should go to three different places. That way I can sneak it in and not be “the weird muscle chick who comes too often”:-). Feels like I am having different relationships and affairs, gotta keep them all feeling like they are the only one. But hey, there is some kind of “normal frequency of massage sessions” per person here it seems: once a week must be the standard. Once again I am anything but the standard deep tissue massage customer. I need it. I can take it. And I want it every day. I think it is just healthy to commit as much TRAINING time as to HEALING time as to EATING. So if I train every day almost of course I should get massage too every day. Well, that is what I try to do anyway. THAT is life quality for me. Seriously one of the best moments of the day.

READ MY INTERVIEW HERE, CLICK THE TEXT!:-)